A Blog of My Own

I think it was Virginia Woolf who said that a woman writer needs a room of her own to write successful, well in this new modern age it's a blog.

My life has been interesting of late. My new husband is deployed, I'm a teacher or at least working on my certification (a career choice I would have laughed at if you had told me 10 years ago) and I have absolutely nothing to do this summer. It is a big deal for me because this is the first summer since I was 11 that there wasn't something going on. My family because my Dad was in the military moved about every three years in the summer, then I was either working or taking classes for school (first undergrad then graduate school) or doing both. Last year this time I was working two jobs and taking classes. Yes I am a workaholic.

Hypothetically to make be feel less insecure in this time of my life my type A-side has put together a list of all the various things I need to accomplish over this free period.

• Plan a wedding (nuptial renewal event)
• Buy a house/ or find a new apartment with a washer and dryer
• visit friends and family all over the country
• take a much needed trip for relaxation
• study and pass the GACE (pedagogy)
• payoff all Philip's and my bills
• get matching wooden wedding bands
• Learning more about druidism, Wicca and Druidcraft
• expanding my spirituality
• start my stationary business

So far I haven't accomplished much. Most things don't happen until later (as in months from now). It gives me a headache just to think about it (probably not the best start). ultimately this summer just started so since I'm so much out of my element i will document it here, in this blog. Usually I'd write in an actual journal but I always try new things.

Okay, now that the headache is gone i can list some more things that I thought of to do this summer.

• lose 20 lbs.
• get on a better fitting birth control to our lifestyle
• catch on all my favorite TV shows and movies
• Save money
• Get ready for our Camping Retreat in October
• research my family history as far back as possible
• start writing fiction again/ publish a story
• work in my container garden
• go vegetarian (at least for the summer)

Is that enough!?

My husband (who also has a blog) posted today that he found it very funny, interesting etc that 2 years ago he told "the powers that be" that "[He] wanted nothing more than to grow into my potential as a spiritual being." For him that included joining the Air Force's Air National Guard, getting married and then being sent to a remote location away from all things familiar where he can't drink and will abstinent for three months. Talk about getting what you wish for.

What maybe he doesn't exactly understand is that in my own way the Universe has turned my cards too. It might not have been two years ago but I remember a conversation with my best friend, Lena, about controlling my life and "giving it over to the Goddess." It was an upsetting moment in my life. I was not in the place I wanted to be. I had made plan after plan to do so many things and none of them had worked out. It was across the board in every aspect of my life, a consistent un-accomplishment after the other. A horrible but much needed break-up, a dream deterred after hours of time, money, sweat and tears, educational burn-out, career issues, not having a place to live and the emotional roller coaster of being left behind, weddings and failure. With all that going on I never thought that screaming to the Moon, "What do you want from me?" would have such an effect. I can say now that I let it all go and truly let Her will be done in my life.
My new motto was "if it was meant to be then it would happen, the Goddess will provide." I stopped trying to guess, predict, or demand my wants and desires of the Universe. I can lose that message every once in awhile but it comes back really quick if I make the wrong step.

But I digress... From that moment things changed drastically in my life. I was released from the things and people I thought were holding me, and I let go of those who needed me too much, so they could move forward. Within a month I had gain a friend, confidant and lover, Philip; found my true calling teaching Special Education in High School; and have learned to trust my trust in Her again. Now, both of our footprints are in the sand.
So, for the next three months I will be taking this time to find and learn about Natrina Lawson. I told my husband that marriage made me feel free that I could do anything. I feel that I can take all those good aspects that I never quite believed were in me or capable of pulling off are at my fingertips now. I will be abstinent, non-alcoholic, no-meat-eating and spiritually reflective as well.

I guess this just proves how connected Philip and I are. And this is not one of those "wife-does-what-the-husband-does-to-be-"closer"-to-him-type of things. I had an astrological reading on my 26th birthday before I even really considered Philip as a genuine friend (we had communicated twice via OKCupid there was only an online persona to go by) that said this summer would be one of great reflection. Boy, you tellin' me!