Hello 2013!

Super excited that 2013 is here! I have let go of a lot in the past year and my hope is to be open minded and open-hearted in order to fill those new open spaces with creativity and love. I can not express my gratitude enough  for my friends, family and husband for all their support  throughout 2012. Some things to look forward to in 2013:

Continue blogging-- I have wanted to write a book for a really long time and after failing miserably at NANOWRIMO this year i realized that there were other avenues of writing and communication  So I combined my two favorite past times reading about crafting and crafting with writing and got The Perki Giver.
I also decided to update more here and on a family journal that my husband and I keep together. So I'll be writing all the time and maybe in the future that book will come but presently blogging is the new hotness for me.

Physical activity-- I plan to keep this going as well. This past year I trained and ran the Peachtree Road Race 5K, took a spinning class, did Zumba, did yoga, hike a mountain regularly and do kung fu. You can follow me on Fitocracy as well as I level up in the coming year. I just took on a challenge to run more in January and I really want to do the Color Run in April so I think as long as I keep moving I'll be in good shape.

Craft, Craft, Craft-- This last goal kind of fell into my lap, really. It all started with a 30th birthday party at Micheals and next thing I know  I have a craft blog, and a certified scrapbook and paper craft instructor and  I'm setting up meet ups in my classroom for fellow teachers who craft. I couldn't be more thrilled! Creating and making stuff has opened a whole new world for me. It's like I'm using a whole other part of my brain it's joyous!

Growing in Mind and Spirit-- I'm taking online classes on just about everything from teaching and graphic design to how to reason. Along with my spiritual practice I have lots of reading to do. thank go for pdf readers and audio books for getting me through my commute to work a little bit smarter.

Love-- last but not least I have been learning to express true love to those I care deeply about and to everyone around me. It is a daily test to love others as God love us and to keep that faith through the trying of times to learn and grow in that capacity to love. I want to be the best expression of that Love that I can be.

So with all that on my plate all things are possible and I look forward to all that 2013 has to bring!

Happy New Year!

Four Expectations better know as "a really old vent session circa May 2010"

This post has been edited and updated as of 26 DEC 14.
It has been a really long time since I've blogged..... okay a really, really long time.
It seems that I have just been going through an ebb and flow on a cosmic scale. I personally find myself in similar places, doing similar things and making similar comments very close to last year. It has been annual deja`vu. [ redacted personal statement]

18 months later...

Being a WIFE, especially Philip's WIFE is hard. I'm no longer the scared, eager bunny worried about if something will upset him or make him not love me (he has proven that he loves me in that way that all humanity is loved but he clearly does not like me everyday and even then he has his preferences to certain parts for function). I'm a tired, weary hare currently( last week I was all cuddle bunny and it was GREAT!). Mostly this is from managing his issues while working on mine.

I will admit I'm a capable girl if nothing else, I can take a lot of wear and tear before I really fall apart. I'm the essence of hard-working and I can be resilient if necessary. I've learned some of these skills the hard way and others from really good advice. Not to mention my physical flexible and open-mindedness to experiment in different ways of pleasuring my partner. I am The Hotness, I'm a cool chick but there is a line.

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I think as much as we don't like to admit it we all have expectations (we are socialized critters after all) these expectations can be from anything from childhood experiences to your Judeo-Christian upbringing. They can even be the result of negative events. So here are my 4 major expectations as a WIFE.

1. Being your WIFE gives me certain privileges with you and vice verse. This could be anything depending on the couple- but for us I let Philip lightly joke during serious conversations, he asks my opinion before he makes major decisions, sexual favors etc. The point is do no take privileges for granted or misuse this "Pass Card"  for things-that-you-do-that-annoy-your-loved-one gifted to you by your partner's love and understanding.
2. We work as a TEAM with each other. WE have our roles according to skills, capabilities and other characteristics. We Trust the other to do what needs to be done in the appropriate manner in the best interest of US. This takes a gazillion tons of communication almost til we're blue in the face. Please note that roles are NOT based on twisty, nostalgic remembrances of the past's gender roles or even what your parents might have done or not done. If you being the stay-at-home parent works, do it. If you make big bucks, bring those home. Each unique couple uniquely defines their relationship.
3. R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Me as your WIFE, Lover and Friend. I hold your confidence, support and trust in high esteem as you should hold mine. We have to listen and acknowledge the boundaries set by the other, even without an explanation forthcoming. Unconditional support means your happiness is priceless. Our behaviors effect our spouse too.
4. Love me in words and actions. Things are done in love and are appreciated for the kindness in your heart. Add to my value, invest in me for the profit of our longevity. Being Married is a blessing; having someone to share life with is a blessing. Life is long, do not get so caught up in the short term that you lose sight of the long term. Here is an example of what NOT to do: Dan does not appreciated Mary's income as a teacher but prided himself at paying all the bills from their joint account every month. He would yell at her for grading papers at home or for staying late at school. But it was her paycheck that got them through the rough times before and after a bankruptcy and her getting a second job that repaired their credit enough to buy a house. 

Children?

"Are your Pregnant?" this is what my Mom asked me when I told her that my boyfriend of three months and I were discussing marriage. This at least to me seems to be the primary conclusion that people jump too when you do marry quickly. Most people don't voice such a conclusion but then she is my mother.
Being newly married this is the next question, "Are you going to have kids?"' wink, wink, nudge, nudge.' Besides being incredibly embarrassed that other random people such as my boss, colleagues and the lunch lady make statements on your sex life, to me it makes a statement of our social models and standards. Now that it is socially acceptable to have sex I should immediately be knocked up as well. 'First comes love, then comes marriage, 2 seconds later I have a baby carriage? WTF?

We did, my husband and I, discuss having children. It was mostly deciding on a time on which to pursue the subject further. We thought that 2013 would be a good year to start baby making if the world doesn't end. Hey, it worked for us with Obama.

It's the science of it that is daunting. On the male side there is this impression that sperm will always work forever. But on the female side there's a finite number of eggs and years compounded by risk. Yesterday, I got July's Marie Claire and it was full of articles about getting pregnant with titles like ' How to Have a Baby and Keep your Man'; '10 Things to Ask your Doctor About IVF' and 'The New High Tech Pregnancy.' Knowing that their stats are skewed and not exactly correct still does not help the quiver at the bottom of my stomach.

Then there's the birth control issue. I'm personally tired of myself going through the 'hormonal crazies' every month. These last couple ones without it have been a recurring "preggers" scare nightmare. Knowing myself, I'm too neurotic to play it cool. From past experience, I'm not one to suffer from the usual symptoms of pregnancy and I'm irregular. Anything slightly off when I finally do have my period sends a warning that it could be any other disorder or disease women in my family have suffered from besides a baby as well. I realized this morning that I have to stay healthy "baby ready" even if we don't have kids for the next ten years. I'm making an appointment with my doctor tomorrow!

I have friends that have newborns and toddlers and then some that are still dating and club-hopping. It's hard to know where to fit. My one friend who has the most similar situation to mine lives 60 miles away and goes to boot camp this summer. Logically, I should make new friends, but I really don't want too I have enough as it is. I can admit that I like children and I want them eventually even spontaneously when I'm ready. However that's the true question: When will I be ready? How will I know I am? Was I ready before and missed my chance?

My husband probably thinks that children will just come along when you have reach that level for such a spiritual challenge. But I work everyday with the results of unplanned pregnancy, the condom breaks, and when the risks win. I have issues about being caught unprepared. Ultimately I know this is one of those things I should entrust in the Goddess about. Yet I feel that just as she brought Philip and I together in a whirled wind she could very well do the same with our reproductive systems.

Work-in-progress