Name Change

So I changed the name of this blog. I think Nest is a more appropriate name since this is where I will be writing about lifestyle topics and how I'm getting a life.
A Nest has alot of symbolic meaning in relation to life. They are set up to protect and nuture family. Family is a big theme for me this year. I want to cultivate relationships and  go deeper in some of my shallower ones. I realize as with anything else you have to be the family member you want to interact with to do this. In most cases we negect that premise in famial relationships simply because of the societal connotations that anything goes since the physical relation is there. I have expressed this often in the past; why do I let ( insert relative's name here) ( insert verb here: hurt, treat, believe, enable etc) me positively/ negatively  when if they were not related I  would/not allow it?
If you ever asked that same question then you and I are having issues with boundaries. FAMILY  does not mean a person has carte blaunche of you--Only you can allow that as with any interpersonal relationship. I have fallen prey to that false conculsion as well at times; it happens it teaches us.
A Nest is a home, constructed and reconstructed for it's season each piece is choosen with care and specific purpose. I hope to build and develop this space for family with in and with out of myself.
In addition some of the past posts will also become hidden but I hope to add content regularly so you might not even miss it.

WIP,
Trina

Four Expectations better know as "a really old vent session circa May 2010"

This post has been edited and updated as of 26 DEC 14.
It has been a really long time since I've blogged..... okay a really, really long time.
It seems that I have just been going through an ebb and flow on a cosmic scale. I personally find myself in similar places, doing similar things and making similar comments very close to last year. It has been annual deja`vu. [ redacted personal statement]

18 months later...

Being a WIFE, especially Philip's WIFE is hard. I'm no longer the scared, eager bunny worried about if something will upset him or make him not love me (he has proven that he loves me in that way that all humanity is loved but he clearly does not like me everyday and even then he has his preferences to certain parts for function). I'm a tired, weary hare currently( last week I was all cuddle bunny and it was GREAT!). Mostly this is from managing his issues while working on mine.

I will admit I'm a capable girl if nothing else, I can take a lot of wear and tear before I really fall apart. I'm the essence of hard-working and I can be resilient if necessary. I've learned some of these skills the hard way and others from really good advice. Not to mention my physical flexible and open-mindedness to experiment in different ways of pleasuring my partner. I am The Hotness, I'm a cool chick but there is a line.

Line--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think as much as we don't like to admit it we all have expectations (we are socialized critters after all) these expectations can be from anything from childhood experiences to your Judeo-Christian upbringing. They can even be the result of negative events. So here are my 4 major expectations as a WIFE.

1. Being your WIFE gives me certain privileges with you and vice verse. This could be anything depending on the couple- but for us I let Philip lightly joke during serious conversations, he asks my opinion before he makes major decisions, sexual favors etc. The point is do no take privileges for granted or misuse this "Pass Card"  for things-that-you-do-that-annoy-your-loved-one gifted to you by your partner's love and understanding.
2. We work as a TEAM with each other. WE have our roles according to skills, capabilities and other characteristics. We Trust the other to do what needs to be done in the appropriate manner in the best interest of US. This takes a gazillion tons of communication almost til we're blue in the face. Please note that roles are NOT based on twisty, nostalgic remembrances of the past's gender roles or even what your parents might have done or not done. If you being the stay-at-home parent works, do it. If you make big bucks, bring those home. Each unique couple uniquely defines their relationship.
3. R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Me as your WIFE, Lover and Friend. I hold your confidence, support and trust in high esteem as you should hold mine. We have to listen and acknowledge the boundaries set by the other, even without an explanation forthcoming. Unconditional support means your happiness is priceless. Our behaviors effect our spouse too.
4. Love me in words and actions. Things are done in love and are appreciated for the kindness in your heart. Add to my value, invest in me for the profit of our longevity. Being Married is a blessing; having someone to share life with is a blessing. Life is long, do not get so caught up in the short term that you lose sight of the long term. Here is an example of what NOT to do: Dan does not appreciated Mary's income as a teacher but prided himself at paying all the bills from their joint account every month. He would yell at her for grading papers at home or for staying late at school. But it was her paycheck that got them through the rough times before and after a bankruptcy and her getting a second job that repaired their credit enough to buy a house. 

Children?

"Are your Pregnant?" this is what my Mom asked me when I told her that my boyfriend of three months and I were discussing marriage. This at least to me seems to be the primary conclusion that people jump too when you do marry quickly. Most people don't voice such a conclusion but then she is my mother.
Being newly married this is the next question, "Are you going to have kids?"' wink, wink, nudge, nudge.' Besides being incredibly embarrassed that other random people such as my boss, colleagues and the lunch lady make statements on your sex life, to me it makes a statement of our social models and standards. Now that it is socially acceptable to have sex I should immediately be knocked up as well. 'First comes love, then comes marriage, 2 seconds later I have a baby carriage? WTF?

We did, my husband and I, discuss having children. It was mostly deciding on a time on which to pursue the subject further. We thought that 2013 would be a good year to start baby making if the world doesn't end. Hey, it worked for us with Obama.

It's the science of it that is daunting. On the male side there is this impression that sperm will always work forever. But on the female side there's a finite number of eggs and years compounded by risk. Yesterday, I got July's Marie Claire and it was full of articles about getting pregnant with titles like ' How to Have a Baby and Keep your Man'; '10 Things to Ask your Doctor About IVF' and 'The New High Tech Pregnancy.' Knowing that their stats are skewed and not exactly correct still does not help the quiver at the bottom of my stomach.

Then there's the birth control issue. I'm personally tired of myself going through the 'hormonal crazies' every month. These last couple ones without it have been a recurring "preggers" scare nightmare. Knowing myself, I'm too neurotic to play it cool. From past experience, I'm not one to suffer from the usual symptoms of pregnancy and I'm irregular. Anything slightly off when I finally do have my period sends a warning that it could be any other disorder or disease women in my family have suffered from besides a baby as well. I realized this morning that I have to stay healthy "baby ready" even if we don't have kids for the next ten years. I'm making an appointment with my doctor tomorrow!

I have friends that have newborns and toddlers and then some that are still dating and club-hopping. It's hard to know where to fit. My one friend who has the most similar situation to mine lives 60 miles away and goes to boot camp this summer. Logically, I should make new friends, but I really don't want too I have enough as it is. I can admit that I like children and I want them eventually even spontaneously when I'm ready. However that's the true question: When will I be ready? How will I know I am? Was I ready before and missed my chance?

My husband probably thinks that children will just come along when you have reach that level for such a spiritual challenge. But I work everyday with the results of unplanned pregnancy, the condom breaks, and when the risks win. I have issues about being caught unprepared. Ultimately I know this is one of those things I should entrust in the Goddess about. Yet I feel that just as she brought Philip and I together in a whirled wind she could very well do the same with our reproductive systems.

Work-in-progress