I woke up this morning wanting to do so many things in preparation for this next year, 2010. I feel that this year will be full of learning and gathering knowledge to boost me to the next level. This past year, really my first year in marriage has truly been a growing experience. I have gotten everything I could possibly imagine in a partner plus aspects I didn't even recognize I need in my life. I'm very proud of this forward movement. At the New Year we will have paid off all of my debt outside of school loans and my car. This has been very exciting for me! I'm considering the possibility of getting a second job to expedite some of the school loans payments. But thinking on it yesterday and reviewing my goals I'd rather move forward with my stationary business 'Lovely Notes'. I think if I dedicated the same amount of time to creating the product and managing the business that in the long run (a year or two)I'll be more profitable. My current goal is to setup an online store on Esty's and sell the card sets there. I'll start with just a matching set of 12 (card w/ lined envelope) in a nice "keepsake" box for $20.
Last night I dreamt of color coordinated sticker seals and embossing the envelopes with my logo. After doing well at the little MMHS Craft Show I've been keeping my eye out to participate in more of them but that also means that I need to be making a regular stocked product. Just now I thought of ribbon and plastic sleeves for the smaller sets. I would love if some boutique wanted my notes as a featured product or it to be an Oprah favorite thing, something HUGE like that would be Awesome! In the meantime I need to finish this process for my certification. I hope to take my last set of tests in March (I'm still debating taking a late fee to do the test earlier). It's English Writing and Special Ed Curriculum, I know I need a study guide for that last one. My thought is to study over the Winter Break and test in January to be ready to go for next school year then, once I start teaching the Practicum finish my Masters' by the second year to power boost the pay- because of the pay grade jumps from para- to 1st year teacher(Bachelors') to 2nd yr with a Master's. The break I get for being in school on top of loan forgiveness for working five years in a 'Title One' school that should take care of the school loans nicely. And if business is booming with the cards I could start making calendars, planners and contact books. I might have to retire from teaching by my 6th or 7th year.
Wishful Thinking...
But on the spiritual side this Yule/Alban Arthuran Philip and I will be initiated into the Druid Order of the Three Realms. For a while I had been making this transition really hard (Philip makes everything sound so complex and intricate) on top of my own hesitations about being in an organized group and joining along side my husband. But when I reflected on my spiritual activity this past year I realized that I had been doing some of the required practices. The point of next year is to do it on purpose with a focus and record growth. Hopefully today I can get some concrete plans organized. I want everything setup and ready to go so there are no excuses to stall out. Philip of course has been very helpful by adding all different types of yoga instructional videos to our hard-drive; gathering books for our library and I think we will even end up doing some of our practice's plan together (learning about local plant life etc). He wants to do nature survival courses and camping which is fine and will be very interesting to say the least. One of my favorite things we do, ever since we started dating, is walking through a park, just talking and enjoying nature. Another part of my plan is to study Tarot as a form of divination. I'd like to cross-stitch each card of the Major Arcana or the Tableau meditating on each one as I go. That really has to be setup. I'm going to have to create a pattern to do it but it should be fun. So by this time next year I'll be pretty much finished.
Ultimately I have to remember to enjoy the moment although next year will be just as exciting as this one has; resting in these lulls is necessary.
Blessed Be
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Update!
Gods! It's been months I think since my last posting. And it was all for things going a little nutty when 'the hubby' finally came home. Let's see if I remember correctly;
I Lost my wedding band at Lyra class (this was the band that Philip had sent to me after he left). I had just gotten our wooden rings in the mail and was super excited about having all three. The wood rings turned out beautifully and I love how each matches our skin tones almost to the point where you only see the in-laid lapis or malachite. Meanwhile, Philip is literally flying over my head when Sadie's husband finds my ring. Originally my plan had been to leave school to meet Philip in Savannah but I got side tracked running all the way back up to Decatur to get the wedding ring.
I'm very thankful to have it but learned a very important lesson: All summer friends have been losing everything from babies to jobs to developing mysterious medical illnesses, if losing a ring was all that happened then I'd take the loss in light of my still having a job and a husband. The ring is just a symbol and before it was found and after I did a lot of prayer. I was okay with the ring being a temporary symbol to get me through this period, if that's how SHE meant it to be.
So then I ran back down south made a short pit stop with Jekka and John at Mellow Mushroom for dinner and then I was on the road again for three hours till Savannah.
By the time I get there I'm beyond tried, excited I have that shaky anxious feeling. Seeing my husband for the first time after three months in person was like when I met him the first time "is this real, can I really be this lucky! (my husband is gorgeous, tall, strong, and all man by the way)."
Needless to say we were both very excited and for a moment we couldn't decide what we wanted to do more hold each other and snuggle or make sweet passionate love. The later won out. Being together again was like our first time for me (with less screaming). It was probably new to him too. I have all these new muscles and strength from Lyra that I didn't have before he left.
I'm very proud of myself and that I've stayed with it this long. I want to keep learning more and seeing some of the other girls I know there's a lot more for me too. That's exciting I'm setting goals even (by my 1st Anniversary of Lyra I want to be doing tandem work or at least be able to strip while in Lyra[jk]).
So we came Home after one night and one day in Savannah. We're pretty much back into the regular routine. Philip washing clothes, my trying to cook more often, Fu, Lyra, meeting up with old friends you know the usual whirlwind.
Personally it took some adjusting-- I mean I don't have quite as much going on when Philip is not here. Yes there's work, TNX stuff, Lyra class and visiting family and friends, but mostly I got to read the books that I wanted and study for the GACE (which i passed!!!!!); I rented whatever movie I wanted to watch from old musicals like Oklahoma! and Guys and Dolls or Breakfast at Tiffany's from the library.
I tried really hard not to go "shopping" however, the money management area I still need some conditioning in because we had a big opportunity to really decrease our debt and I just didn't take advantage as aggressively as I felt was in the best way. Definitely, a learning experience. I was surprised that Philip just expected me to tell him what I needed and then expected to respond according to my needs. I've never had that before so I just keep working with what I was given. Even after the money post and those issues got hashed out I couldn't bring myself to ask for more. Now when I looked at how I worked out the budget it was all wrong. I can admit now that I really was more focused on earning his trust. But my concept of his trust issues were very different from what they actually were.
Presently, we've resolved to work together more on our finances and communicating about our personal issues.
Then we went on our trip to North and south Carolina!
We had a blast doing the walking tours of city artwork in Asheville and visiting the Traditional Chinese Medicine school in Boone. We enjoyed the small mountain college town more than we liked Charlotte even though they also had interesting public art all over the downtown area. We also visited his parents, my grandmother and various friends. I enjoyed seeing some of where Philip grew up.
I Lost my wedding band at Lyra class (this was the band that Philip had sent to me after he left). I had just gotten our wooden rings in the mail and was super excited about having all three. The wood rings turned out beautifully and I love how each matches our skin tones almost to the point where you only see the in-laid lapis or malachite. Meanwhile, Philip is literally flying over my head when Sadie's husband finds my ring. Originally my plan had been to leave school to meet Philip in Savannah but I got side tracked running all the way back up to Decatur to get the wedding ring.
I'm very thankful to have it but learned a very important lesson: All summer friends have been losing everything from babies to jobs to developing mysterious medical illnesses, if losing a ring was all that happened then I'd take the loss in light of my still having a job and a husband. The ring is just a symbol and before it was found and after I did a lot of prayer. I was okay with the ring being a temporary symbol to get me through this period, if that's how SHE meant it to be.
So then I ran back down south made a short pit stop with Jekka and John at Mellow Mushroom for dinner and then I was on the road again for three hours till Savannah.
By the time I get there I'm beyond tried, excited I have that shaky anxious feeling. Seeing my husband for the first time after three months in person was like when I met him the first time "is this real, can I really be this lucky! (my husband is gorgeous, tall, strong, and all man by the way)."
Needless to say we were both very excited and for a moment we couldn't decide what we wanted to do more hold each other and snuggle or make sweet passionate love. The later won out. Being together again was like our first time for me (with less screaming). It was probably new to him too. I have all these new muscles and strength from Lyra that I didn't have before he left.
I'm very proud of myself and that I've stayed with it this long. I want to keep learning more and seeing some of the other girls I know there's a lot more for me too. That's exciting I'm setting goals even (by my 1st Anniversary of Lyra I want to be doing tandem work or at least be able to strip while in Lyra[jk]).
So we came Home after one night and one day in Savannah. We're pretty much back into the regular routine. Philip washing clothes, my trying to cook more often, Fu, Lyra, meeting up with old friends you know the usual whirlwind.
Personally it took some adjusting-- I mean I don't have quite as much going on when Philip is not here. Yes there's work, TNX stuff, Lyra class and visiting family and friends, but mostly I got to read the books that I wanted and study for the GACE (which i passed!!!!!); I rented whatever movie I wanted to watch from old musicals like Oklahoma! and Guys and Dolls or Breakfast at Tiffany's from the library.
I tried really hard not to go "shopping" however, the money management area I still need some conditioning in because we had a big opportunity to really decrease our debt and I just didn't take advantage as aggressively as I felt was in the best way. Definitely, a learning experience. I was surprised that Philip just expected me to tell him what I needed and then expected to respond according to my needs. I've never had that before so I just keep working with what I was given. Even after the money post and those issues got hashed out I couldn't bring myself to ask for more. Now when I looked at how I worked out the budget it was all wrong. I can admit now that I really was more focused on earning his trust. But my concept of his trust issues were very different from what they actually were.
Presently, we've resolved to work together more on our finances and communicating about our personal issues.
Then we went on our trip to North and south Carolina!
We had a blast doing the walking tours of city artwork in Asheville and visiting the Traditional Chinese Medicine school in Boone. We enjoyed the small mountain college town more than we liked Charlotte even though they also had interesting public art all over the downtown area. We also visited his parents, my grandmother and various friends. I enjoyed seeing some of where Philip grew up.
Friday, August 21, 2009
.... And then the rain stopped
Okay so after printing off the GACE form I need for tomorrow, I went and performed the ritual for the Druidcraft Initiation ceremony.
Basically I read the chapter "The Law of the Returning Tide" aloud. It contained a story of the Selkies, magical seals who come to land during Beltaine to mate for the next generation. While one time a fisherman, Targgart, hide one of the selk's seal skin and tricks her into marrying him for seven years. She has a son who she loves very much but each times she asks for her skin Targgart says "don't you love your husband and your child?" One day the son hears this and knowing where her skin is hidden gives it back to her. They run to the beach and Targgart tries to stop them but he is too late. Every evening there are two fish left on the rocks by Targgart's hut left by the selk for her husband and son.
The story is an allegory for the Law of Returning Tide which states that what ever you put out will return to you. As Druidcraft magicians we can use this law to change our lives, the lives of others and the world.
From there I dedicated myself to using this magic in positive way and for Brigid to guide me as I start this journey. (While I'm doing this a Storm starts full down pour with thunder and lightening-- it's raining so hard it sounds like the ocean {suggested location for this ritual})
I meditated breathing in deep the smell of incense and listening to the storm grow. Something deep inside opened and I could feel my hands; one warm almost hot and the other cool; (like at Beltane) but this time they were solid rods with weight. I could really feel them even when I finished mediating I had to physically set them down to go on with the ritual.
I continued with the Nine Blessings. My initial plan was to sprinkle myself with the water we got from the Great Smokie Mountains but it was raining so hard that I did the first initial sprinkle and then went for the Kitchen door.
I stood in the doorway watching the night sky lite with lightening, listening to thunder and walked out to the middle of the our patio and read all the nine blessings from the Druidcraft book. Then I throw the book inside the kitchen and stood until I was soaked with rain!
BLESSED BE!
I couldn't have asked for more
But then I went back inside to the altar room and was about to close it out when I remembered the Home-Blessing.
This I went around to each room lighting candles or incense (mostly) asking for blessings in and around our home and in and around our lives. This time I did use the Smokie Mountain spring water. Sprinkling a little for each blessing. I ended in the middle of the apartment thanking the Goddess and God for all that had been given to us. I returned to the altar room and closed.
And for a couple minutes the rain stopped and only as I've been writing this post has it started again. Did I mention I was wearing blue.
It is that first step through the tree line.
I trust Her...
Blessed Be!
Basically I read the chapter "The Law of the Returning Tide" aloud. It contained a story of the Selkies, magical seals who come to land during Beltaine to mate for the next generation. While one time a fisherman, Targgart, hide one of the selk's seal skin and tricks her into marrying him for seven years. She has a son who she loves very much but each times she asks for her skin Targgart says "don't you love your husband and your child?" One day the son hears this and knowing where her skin is hidden gives it back to her. They run to the beach and Targgart tries to stop them but he is too late. Every evening there are two fish left on the rocks by Targgart's hut left by the selk for her husband and son.
The story is an allegory for the Law of Returning Tide which states that what ever you put out will return to you. As Druidcraft magicians we can use this law to change our lives, the lives of others and the world.
From there I dedicated myself to using this magic in positive way and for Brigid to guide me as I start this journey. (While I'm doing this a Storm starts full down pour with thunder and lightening-- it's raining so hard it sounds like the ocean {suggested location for this ritual})
I meditated breathing in deep the smell of incense and listening to the storm grow. Something deep inside opened and I could feel my hands; one warm almost hot and the other cool; (like at Beltane) but this time they were solid rods with weight. I could really feel them even when I finished mediating I had to physically set them down to go on with the ritual.
I continued with the Nine Blessings. My initial plan was to sprinkle myself with the water we got from the Great Smokie Mountains but it was raining so hard that I did the first initial sprinkle and then went for the Kitchen door.
I stood in the doorway watching the night sky lite with lightening, listening to thunder and walked out to the middle of the our patio and read all the nine blessings from the Druidcraft book. Then I throw the book inside the kitchen and stood until I was soaked with rain!
BLESSED BE!
I couldn't have asked for more
But then I went back inside to the altar room and was about to close it out when I remembered the Home-Blessing.
This I went around to each room lighting candles or incense (mostly) asking for blessings in and around our home and in and around our lives. This time I did use the Smokie Mountain spring water. Sprinkling a little for each blessing. I ended in the middle of the apartment thanking the Goddess and God for all that had been given to us. I returned to the altar room and closed.
And for a couple minutes the rain stopped and only as I've been writing this post has it started again. Did I mention I was wearing blue.
It is that first step through the tree line.
I trust Her...
Blessed Be!
Gender-roles and the Double (no, wait)Triple Standard
I know, I know I haven't written in a long time. There have been various reasons and parts of them will hopefully been explained below-- this will be a very long entry--
It all began with me watching a video letter from my husband. We have found that this is much quicker than snail mail since we can actually see the other person and share more thoughts that any piece of paper could hold. They have also gotten quite long( hours long) to the point where we must take notes in order to keep track of all the comments made and those we want to respond too. It's All together neat in my book.
Well in one of my videos I made the joke that my husband was need back quickly since I had heavy lifting for him to do along with his regular chores of washing our clothes etc. There was also the comment I made sharing a new perspective I learned while reading about "White Tigers" (sexual teaching of women Taoists) about yin and yang and which approaches men and women should practices [ meditations for men because they are majority yang & active creativity for women since they are majority yin]. For my husband these comments sparked a diatribe about gender-roles, equality and his preconceived double standards especially as it pertains to the military.
Below is my response from yahoo IM: (I'm not angry, just making my opinion clear) * some corrections have been made*
'you doing heavy lifting was also a joke....
just for clarification : the whole period thing was the exact reason for justifying the double standard that you mentioned and in doing so your stir that historical pot. Other than yourself nobody holds against you, your actions or decisions that you slack off during the 3rd moon to new moon phase it is probably not even perceived by others. However, it is always assumed that if a woman does anything out of the socially accepted feminine role then she is PMS-ing because she voiced an opinion, was aggressive or performed well as a leader, basically being masculine.
That masculine side is suppose to be hidden in us. We're not suppose to let it out and if we do there are all kinds of social controls in place to keep us in line and the same goes for men showing their feminine side (IE your neck-rolling gesture if done by a male automatically questions his sexuality). More so a woman who can manage this masculinity to her benefit is rewarded and we are encouraged to be more masculine as appose to gender- neutral because if a man was more femme then he would be criticized and deemed weak. And just so you know women who go over board with the feminine (IE being too girly) are also deemed weak and are negatively reinforced for "setting women back..." by other women as well. Prime example (why most women hate Palin and exalted Hilary during the 2008 elections).
Women to this day are still proving that they can do the same things men can but, what men are attempting to do what women do? It is just socially accepted that men can do anything and women have some form of limitations. As I said on the phone, other than bearing children women can do everything a man can but, even that argument is considered 'hitting below the belt'( pun intended) when it comes to gender roles and capabilities. And for that very physical difference is why 'the double standard' still exist.
The military "let" women in and gave us the standards not the other way around. Many of them are antiquated meaning women started in the military being nurses, sectaries, and all sorts of gender-based jobs. It's the reason women aren't allowed in some areas of combat, planes, ships still.
As for your mother.... Why do we call it "single-Mom"? Was she any different of a mother with or without a spouse? The very term ignites discourse over the lack of male influence and comments like " that poor woman raising two boys all by herself..." When we both know you had males influences and your mom didn't have as much trouble with you and your brother as she statistically could have.
Overall, I will be the first to say "yes, there is a double standard"and "yes, women and men both take advantage of it regularly" be it consciously or unconsciously.
I personally work really hard to not give in, in either way ( this aspect you mentioned about the military is also one that rubbed me the wrong way -- some how the military gets away with separate but equal when it comes to gender).
Okay all that being said my husband is moving into a new area of religious study, Druidry. Which I personally think he will enjoy. I have been working my way thru the Wiccan year-- Her forces propel me-- more by the current situation I find myself in (a new wife to a intense reglious scholar) than directly managed by myself. I have found my way to Druidcraft which is comfortably safe (I'll explain later) between Druidry and Wicca.
Why is it comfortably safe? Because what I realized today is that it scares me to want to follow something just for the sake of doing what my partner is doing. I'm leery of that whole idea of the man being "head" of the household partically in the religious area and I also battle that with this want of being united religiously since our views are so far from the norm especially when it comes to raising kids. (I know) But I never wanted to be apart of those couples that pull their kids both ways (regardless of the faiths involved) until the kids run screaming. Other than that holidays mean family to me, they are those special days were we did something together becoming our family traditions. ( there is something very Victorian and romantic about that...).
but mostly I fear committing to something as deeply compelling as a religious path and then finding my husband has moved on to something else especially if they happened to be the same type path. As a seeker that works perfectly fine for him. Me, on the other hand presently have no drive to discover... okay that's not true, I would love to go deeper into my faith but fear of the unknown is often the cause of my hesitation. Like me putting off the Druidcraft ritual which I could've done the first time I read it or at Lammas or tonight it being a new moon and all.
This is a tightrope act without a net for me. But I always had this feeling. I had hope that having someone who really understood my religion in my life would quill some of that but in most cases it has pushed me out of my solitary comfort zone. The last thing I want to do is answer to some "middle-man" to my goddess or god. ( a lack of pantheon-- allows for less accountablilty on my part 'make a general call, get a general answer")
The Druidcraft is "perfect" since from what I know so far its 'brand new' if anyone else is doing it they haven't formed an encompassing organization yet (lacks accountablity again) and this keeps me poolside with only a toe or two wet as appose to wetting my hair as I watch my husband swim laps.
Do I stay poolside and cheer?
Do I jump in swimming stroke for stroke?
I'm beginning to think this may have been the 'deep end' my husband was referring too when we started dating. In being with him, as his wife, I feel I have agreed to do more than just breezing down my religious path. (duh...I was at my own wedding, which was a true handfasting)
Why am I fighting this?
Its once again one of those things where I think it is 'so easy just to follow my husband let his path parallel mine' and I can't do easy not willingly-- it feels to much like me giving into some feminine power (did I just write that!) perception, expectation.
Is this for me or some passive aggressive social control that has been hidden within marriage that no one has ever told me about?
She says --- Your rambling just go do the ritual....
*work in progress
It all began with me watching a video letter from my husband. We have found that this is much quicker than snail mail since we can actually see the other person and share more thoughts that any piece of paper could hold. They have also gotten quite long( hours long) to the point where we must take notes in order to keep track of all the comments made and those we want to respond too. It's All together neat in my book.
Well in one of my videos I made the joke that my husband was need back quickly since I had heavy lifting for him to do along with his regular chores of washing our clothes etc. There was also the comment I made sharing a new perspective I learned while reading about "White Tigers" (sexual teaching of women Taoists) about yin and yang and which approaches men and women should practices [ meditations for men because they are majority yang & active creativity for women since they are majority yin]. For my husband these comments sparked a diatribe about gender-roles, equality and his preconceived double standards especially as it pertains to the military.
Below is my response from yahoo IM: (I'm not angry, just making my opinion clear) * some corrections have been made*
'you doing heavy lifting was also a joke....
just for clarification : the whole period thing was the exact reason for justifying the double standard that you mentioned and in doing so your stir that historical pot. Other than yourself nobody holds against you, your actions or decisions that you slack off during the 3rd moon to new moon phase it is probably not even perceived by others. However, it is always assumed that if a woman does anything out of the socially accepted feminine role then she is PMS-ing because she voiced an opinion, was aggressive or performed well as a leader, basically being masculine.
That masculine side is suppose to be hidden in us. We're not suppose to let it out and if we do there are all kinds of social controls in place to keep us in line and the same goes for men showing their feminine side (IE your neck-rolling gesture if done by a male automatically questions his sexuality). More so a woman who can manage this masculinity to her benefit is rewarded and we are encouraged to be more masculine as appose to gender- neutral because if a man was more femme then he would be criticized and deemed weak. And just so you know women who go over board with the feminine (IE being too girly) are also deemed weak and are negatively reinforced for "setting women back..." by other women as well. Prime example (why most women hate Palin and exalted Hilary during the 2008 elections).
Women to this day are still proving that they can do the same things men can but, what men are attempting to do what women do? It is just socially accepted that men can do anything and women have some form of limitations. As I said on the phone, other than bearing children women can do everything a man can but, even that argument is considered 'hitting below the belt'( pun intended) when it comes to gender roles and capabilities. And for that very physical difference is why 'the double standard' still exist.
The military "let" women in and gave us the standards not the other way around. Many of them are antiquated meaning women started in the military being nurses, sectaries, and all sorts of gender-based jobs. It's the reason women aren't allowed in some areas of combat, planes, ships still.
As for your mother.... Why do we call it "single-Mom"? Was she any different of a mother with or without a spouse? The very term ignites discourse over the lack of male influence and comments like " that poor woman raising two boys all by herself..." When we both know you had males influences and your mom didn't have as much trouble with you and your brother as she statistically could have.
Overall, I will be the first to say "yes, there is a double standard"and "yes, women and men both take advantage of it regularly" be it consciously or unconsciously.
I personally work really hard to not give in, in either way ( this aspect you mentioned about the military is also one that rubbed me the wrong way -- some how the military gets away with separate but equal when it comes to gender).
Okay all that being said my husband is moving into a new area of religious study, Druidry. Which I personally think he will enjoy. I have been working my way thru the Wiccan year-- Her forces propel me-- more by the current situation I find myself in (a new wife to a intense reglious scholar) than directly managed by myself. I have found my way to Druidcraft which is comfortably safe (I'll explain later) between Druidry and Wicca.
Why is it comfortably safe? Because what I realized today is that it scares me to want to follow something just for the sake of doing what my partner is doing. I'm leery of that whole idea of the man being "head" of the household partically in the religious area and I also battle that with this want of being united religiously since our views are so far from the norm especially when it comes to raising kids. (I know) But I never wanted to be apart of those couples that pull their kids both ways (regardless of the faiths involved) until the kids run screaming. Other than that holidays mean family to me, they are those special days were we did something together becoming our family traditions. ( there is something very Victorian and romantic about that...).
but mostly I fear committing to something as deeply compelling as a religious path and then finding my husband has moved on to something else especially if they happened to be the same type path. As a seeker that works perfectly fine for him. Me, on the other hand presently have no drive to discover... okay that's not true, I would love to go deeper into my faith but fear of the unknown is often the cause of my hesitation. Like me putting off the Druidcraft ritual which I could've done the first time I read it or at Lammas or tonight it being a new moon and all.
This is a tightrope act without a net for me. But I always had this feeling. I had hope that having someone who really understood my religion in my life would quill some of that but in most cases it has pushed me out of my solitary comfort zone. The last thing I want to do is answer to some "middle-man" to my goddess or god. ( a lack of pantheon-- allows for less accountablilty on my part 'make a general call, get a general answer")
The Druidcraft is "perfect" since from what I know so far its 'brand new' if anyone else is doing it they haven't formed an encompassing organization yet (lacks accountablity again) and this keeps me poolside with only a toe or two wet as appose to wetting my hair as I watch my husband swim laps.
Do I stay poolside and cheer?
Do I jump in swimming stroke for stroke?
I'm beginning to think this may have been the 'deep end' my husband was referring too when we started dating. In being with him, as his wife, I feel I have agreed to do more than just breezing down my religious path. (duh...I was at my own wedding, which was a true handfasting)
Why am I fighting this?
Its once again one of those things where I think it is 'so easy just to follow my husband let his path parallel mine' and I can't do easy not willingly-- it feels to much like me giving into some feminine power (did I just write that!) perception, expectation.
Is this for me or some passive aggressive social control that has been hidden within marriage that no one has ever told me about?
She says --- Your rambling just go do the ritual....
*work in progress
Saturday, July 11, 2009
UPDATE
This morning started well enough with a reflection/ re-read of all my previous postings. The following are statements on the progress I've made in each area.
"My resolution is to keep a food journal..." I did this for two day on my phone's notepad which was very convenient but I was on vacation. I don't understand my current reluctance but will try to get back in the habit. Especially since 5 small meals a day with a protein heavy one in the morning is a little unusual for me.
"By the time Philip returns I will have been veggie long enough that its a standing habit and will be cooking veggie meals regularly." I'm still experimenting but finding things to make has not been as hard as I initially thought. The goal is to remain flexible and try new things.
Wow!!!!
I tought this would be a short list but not until I was two hours into writing did a realize how much I've done thus far this summer, with plenty still to do. I might need a whole other break after this one.
WIP
- Plan a wedding (nuptial renewal event)-- See 'To Wed or Not To Wed' we may still party but a nice out of country, week-long trip would be great too.
- Buy a house/ find a new apartment with a washer and dryer -- With the economy the way it is Phillip and I have a lot of options. The main goal is to save as much money as possible to take care of our debt. Second is location. Meanwhile, Catt moves out the last week of July.
- We could stay where we are (renew the lease in Nov)
- Move somewhere different for less and maybe a little closer to work for me
- Go in on renting a house with Phillip's Aunt and Uncle (4 bed, 3+ bath for $1200 a month in Dekalb/Central Fulton area)
- Buy/Rent a loft or small house for just us
- Visit friends and family all over the country -- I went to Detroit, MI for a week with Jekka and John. Will probably visit more family when Phillip get home in the Fall. I'm trying to stay in touch with many of my friends since I have the time. Usually I'm doing some of this throughout a week:Trivia and TV watching with Darryll and DeDe; Dinners and theater events with Lena/ babysit Render; Sleepovers at Jekka and John's; Ma Jong at Craig's; Annual party with Adrienne; Spending time with Tricia and chilling with my sorority sisters.
- Take a much needed trip for relaxation -- Really I've done tons of relaxing right here in the apartment, but I will get a pedicure one of these days. This has turned into Going to TNX Convention in Philadelphia this September.
- Study and pass the GACE (Pedagogy) -- My test is August 22nd. Yesterday, I requested lots of books from the library to help me study and I brought a study guide book earlier this spring to work with. It's just 5 weeks away and school starts in 2. I've decided to take the High School Sociology GACE test as well since I have an actual degree in that, it's consider a science= higher pay, and I would be considered highly qualified. And once I got the certification I can go back to school for a Master in Education.
- Payoff all Phillip's and my bills -- This one has had its challenges ('Hidden Costs') but I think we are doing well. We got one card almost completely paid off but then we used it to buy my sister's ticket for her mission trip ('The Goddess and Her Money'). Otherwise everything is current and up-to-date.
- Get matching wooden wedding bands-- have designed them, but need to get confirmation on the commission and start the payment plan. (This got set to the side during my trip and the whole credit card issue)
- Learning more about Druidry, Wicca and Druidcraft-- I'm actually pretty proud of my progress. Phillip and I are corresponding in Ogham now, we created a Book of Shadows blog and we have continued our practice of reviewing some aspect of divination regularly. We're currently working on The Druidcraft Tarot in comparison to the Sidhe Tarot.
- Expanding my Spirituality-- I have begun listening regularly to Ariel's Druidic Craft of the Wise Podcast along with reading other Wiccan and Pagan based media. I hope to develop a regular mediation period in my daily routine as suggested in ' Lifestyle Changes'.
- Start my stationary business--I have done some interesting project with paper this summer. Lena came over for craft night and we marbleized some old stationary i had with paint and shaving cream. It was allot of fun! I also plan to make my own paper out of the shredded scrape from when i cleaned out my filing system. As far as business goes I'm researching my craft at this point by checking out instructional videos and books from the library and reading craft blogs. This should be crafting in general since there are other craft projects that i want to do as well although it would be nice to sell them I'm fine just being creative.
- Lose 20 lbs.-- This goes into being healthier the lower I keep my weight the lower my risk for heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes and all the other things black women are susceptible too. so I've taken up Lyra with is an aerial art form perform mostly in cirque-style shows and burlesque. It takes tons of core strength to do since your lifting your own body weight. It also has a sensual grace to it because of the various poses and positions. I enjoy it very much and look forward to getting my own equipment.
- Get on a better fitting birth control to our lifestyle-- Went to my OBGYN, Dr. DeMarco, who was very happy with my pap and overall health. I got a shiny new Nuva Ring prescription now I just need to check prices of the various pharmacies nearby to get it filled.
- Catch-up on all my favorite TV shows and movies-- This I've been doing at DeDe's (watching Bravo cooking and fashion shows with Uncle Darryll), checking out movies from the Library, and watching shows on my laptop via Hulu.com and other sites
- Save Money-- We are still working on the saving aspect of our finances such as creating an emergency fund and over the long-term for future large purchases (house, trips, school, kids, retirement etc)
- Get ready for our Camping Retreat in October-- We're considering going to Asheville, NC even if we don't camp but I got a video on camping for beginners from the library, looked at some different camping sites in the National Parks system nearby and joined the REI co-op for discounts on camping supplies anyway. We may not do this in October but next spring/summer instead.
- Research my family history as far back as possible-- I started getting family information together for the Dents, Perkins, Lawson's, and Whitfield's on Geni. Now I must go to the census and see what i can find there. It was really nice since lots of cousins added their information and now we have a pretty up-to date record of everyone in the family.
- Start writing fiction again/ publish a story-- haven't written a story yet but i have been blogging which in a way is story telling in itself, sort of.
- Work in my container garden-- my "garden" is coming along very nicely. I have two sweet potato vines, parsley, basil, oregano, mint, chives, cherries and I have peaches to be planted in the fall. I haven't gotten to actual veggies (mostly because of timing and space) but as this being my first garden I'm proud of my herbs.
- Go vegetarian-- I'm enjoying it ! 'Just and Ordinary Day...' & 'Lifestyle Changes'
"My resolution is to keep a food journal..." I did this for two day on my phone's notepad which was very convenient but I was on vacation. I don't understand my current reluctance but will try to get back in the habit. Especially since 5 small meals a day with a protein heavy one in the morning is a little unusual for me.
"By the time Philip returns I will have been veggie long enough that its a standing habit and will be cooking veggie meals regularly." I'm still experimenting but finding things to make has not been as hard as I initially thought. The goal is to remain flexible and try new things.
Wow!!!!
I tought this would be a short list but not until I was two hours into writing did a realize how much I've done thus far this summer, with plenty still to do. I might need a whole other break after this one.
WIP
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Lifestyle Changes
So this past month I became vegetarian. No meat but I still eat fish, eggs and dairy along with the usual fruits, beans, grains, nuts and veggies. There has been a great improvement I think to my health- skin feels better, drinking more water, energy, weight loss and a host of other things that have probably happened and I just haven't noticed just yet.
I'm quite proud of my recent trip to Detroit, MI over the 4th of July weekend- where I only had fish once in a meal. Everything else was soy, fruits, and veggies. John, Jekka's husband, and fellow veggie lover helped me tons with ordering out. I had gotten good at making veggie friendly dishes at home but was hitting a bump when it came to eating out. My husband also suggested some great places to eat in and around Atlanta.
I was even more pleasantly surprised that I was doing a good thing for m body when I saw an episode of "the Doctors" and the mentioned a diet based on the needs of your blood type. This was very much similar to a diet I had read about in the past that connect your body type structure to primary food groups (genotype diet). After doing some research I found that both diets have the same founder!
Below is an excerpt from the website 'Eat Right for Your Type' about the blood type A, by Dr. Peter J. D'Adamo:
What Makes a 'Type A' an Individual?
What makes Me Me and You You?
This is the question that is at the heart of the genetic puzzle. It is also central to our exploration of blood types. The key is genetic heritage - the story line of your life. Even though you are living in the 21st century, you share a common bond with your ancestors. The genetic information that resulted in their particular characteristics has been passed on to you.
People who are A blood type have a different set of characteristics than people who are Type O - they are susceptible to different diseases, they should eat different foods and exercise in a completely different manner. Some believe that personality is influenced by blood type! Dr. D'Adamo, author of the best selling books Eat Right for Your Type and Live Right for Your Type, among others, gives us a blueprint for living in his books. Read on to learn more about the Type A individual.
Type A History
The Type A emerges into the 21st century with many more complex challenges than their ancestors could have imagined. The key factor in the development of Type A can be traced to the struggle for survival long ago, when there was a rapidly dwindling supply of hunting game stock. Having exhausted the great game herds of Africa, humans pushed farther out from their ancestral home into Europe and Asia. The cultivation of grains and livestock changed everything. For the first time, people were able to forgo the hand to mouth lifestyle of the hunter/gatherer and establish stable communities. Over time the adaptations that produced Blood Type A were based on the need to fully utilize nutrients from carbohydrate sources. These biological adaptations can still be observed today in Type A's digestive structure. Low levels of hydrochloric acid in the stomach and high intestinal disaccharide digestive enzyme levels permit the more efficient digestion of carbohydrates. According to Dr. D'Adamo, these are also the very factors, along with low levels of intestinal alkaline phosphatase, that make it difficult for Type As to digest and metabolize animal protein and fat.
What Makes Type A Unique
Many neurochemical factors in the Type A genetic disposition favor a structured, rhythmic, harmonious life, surrounded by a positive, supportive community. The harried pace and increased sense of isolation experienced by so many in today's society often make these needs difficult to achieve. Type A best exemplifies the powerful interconnections between mind and body. This was vital to the shift away from hunting and procurement to building and growing. However, Type A's more internalized relationship to stress, which served your ancestors well, can be a challenge for the modern Type A. The Blood Type Diet's proactive mix of lifestyle strategies, hormonal equalizers, gentle exercise and specialized dietary guidelines will maximize your overall health; decrease your natural risk factors for cancer, diabetes and cardiovascular disease. The result: high performance, mental clarity, greater vitality and increased longevity.
Type A Diet
"When we discuss 'diet,' we are not talking necessarily about a weight loss plan, that's a side benefit to following this plan. We are actually discussing diet in the more traditional sense, meaning a way to eat," explains, Dr. D'Adamo. Type As flourish on a vegetarian diet - if you are accustomed to eating meat, you will lose weight and have more energy once you eliminate the toxic foods from your diet. Many people find it difficult to move away from the typical meat and potato fare to soy proteins, grains and vegetables. But it is particularly important for sensitive Type As to eat their foods in as natural a state as possible: pure, fresh and organic. "I can't emphasize enough how this critical dietary adjustment can be to the sensitive immune system of Type A. With this diet you can supercharge your immune system and potentially short circuit the development of life threatening diseases."
Handling Stress
In this busy, ever changing world, it's almost impossible to avoid every day stress. Type As have a naturally high level of the stress hormone cortisol and produce more in response to stressful situations. Cortisol is released in 24-hour patterns, typically in the early morning between six and eight A.M. with a gradual decrease during the day. It helps to cue the body's other cyclical rhythms. Due to the naturally elevated cortisol in type As, additional stress often manifests in several ways; disrupted sleep patterns, daytime brain fog, increased blood viscosity (thickening), and promotes muscle loss and fat gain. In extreme cases in Type As, stress can manifest in more serious ways, causing obsessive-compulsive disorder, insulin resistance and hypothyroidism. To help balance cortisol levels, Dr. D'Adamo recommends that you limit sugar, caffeine and alcohol. Don't skip meals, especially breakfast; eating smaller, more frequent meals will also help to stabilize blood sugar levels. He also points out that the following factors are known to increase cortisol levels and increase mental exhaustion for Type As - be aware and limit your exposure when possible:
Calming Exercise - The Critical Component for Health and Well Being
Heightened cortisol levels make it harder for Type As to recover from stress. Research has demonstrated that overall cortisol levels can be lowered through a regular program of exercises that provide focus and calming effects. Make these activities a regular - and life saving - part of your lifestyle. Dr. D'Adamo recommends, Hatha Yoga, Tai Chi and Meditation and Deep Breathing Exercises. Meditation has been studied for its effects on stress hormones. It was found that after meditation, serum cortisol levels were significantly reduced. Writes Dr. D'Adamo, "While it's fine for Type As to participate in more intense physical activity when healthy and in good condition, be aware that these forms of exercise do not act as safety valves for stress in your blood type. I have seen Type As excel at weight lifting and aerobic activities, but you have to be careful about not over training, as that will actually raise cortisol levels."
The Personality Connection
Blood Type is a marker of individuality - and perhaps of personality as well. In Japan, it has long been believed that Blood Type is an indicator of personality - in fact, you are likely to be asked your blood type in a job interview or while out on a date with a potential mate! In a study conducted by Dr. D'Adamo in 1999, he found some interesting connections between blood type and personality. Type As most often described themselves in ways related to the following characteristics: sensitive to the needs of others, good listeners, detail oriented, analytical, creative and inventive.
Live Right!
In addition to exercise, stress management and eating the right foods, here are some key lifestyle strategies for Type A individuals.
WIP
I'm quite proud of my recent trip to Detroit, MI over the 4th of July weekend- where I only had fish once in a meal. Everything else was soy, fruits, and veggies. John, Jekka's husband, and fellow veggie lover helped me tons with ordering out. I had gotten good at making veggie friendly dishes at home but was hitting a bump when it came to eating out. My husband also suggested some great places to eat in and around Atlanta.
I was even more pleasantly surprised that I was doing a good thing for m body when I saw an episode of "the Doctors" and the mentioned a diet based on the needs of your blood type. This was very much similar to a diet I had read about in the past that connect your body type structure to primary food groups (genotype diet). After doing some research I found that both diets have the same founder!
Below is an excerpt from the website 'Eat Right for Your Type' about the blood type A, by Dr. Peter J. D'Adamo:
What Makes a 'Type A' an Individual?
What makes Me Me and You You?
This is the question that is at the heart of the genetic puzzle. It is also central to our exploration of blood types. The key is genetic heritage - the story line of your life. Even though you are living in the 21st century, you share a common bond with your ancestors. The genetic information that resulted in their particular characteristics has been passed on to you.
People who are A blood type have a different set of characteristics than people who are Type O - they are susceptible to different diseases, they should eat different foods and exercise in a completely different manner. Some believe that personality is influenced by blood type! Dr. D'Adamo, author of the best selling books Eat Right for Your Type and Live Right for Your Type, among others, gives us a blueprint for living in his books. Read on to learn more about the Type A individual.
Type A History
The Type A emerges into the 21st century with many more complex challenges than their ancestors could have imagined. The key factor in the development of Type A can be traced to the struggle for survival long ago, when there was a rapidly dwindling supply of hunting game stock. Having exhausted the great game herds of Africa, humans pushed farther out from their ancestral home into Europe and Asia. The cultivation of grains and livestock changed everything. For the first time, people were able to forgo the hand to mouth lifestyle of the hunter/gatherer and establish stable communities. Over time the adaptations that produced Blood Type A were based on the need to fully utilize nutrients from carbohydrate sources. These biological adaptations can still be observed today in Type A's digestive structure. Low levels of hydrochloric acid in the stomach and high intestinal disaccharide digestive enzyme levels permit the more efficient digestion of carbohydrates. According to Dr. D'Adamo, these are also the very factors, along with low levels of intestinal alkaline phosphatase, that make it difficult for Type As to digest and metabolize animal protein and fat.
What Makes Type A Unique
Many neurochemical factors in the Type A genetic disposition favor a structured, rhythmic, harmonious life, surrounded by a positive, supportive community. The harried pace and increased sense of isolation experienced by so many in today's society often make these needs difficult to achieve. Type A best exemplifies the powerful interconnections between mind and body. This was vital to the shift away from hunting and procurement to building and growing. However, Type A's more internalized relationship to stress, which served your ancestors well, can be a challenge for the modern Type A. The Blood Type Diet's proactive mix of lifestyle strategies, hormonal equalizers, gentle exercise and specialized dietary guidelines will maximize your overall health; decrease your natural risk factors for cancer, diabetes and cardiovascular disease. The result: high performance, mental clarity, greater vitality and increased longevity.
Type A Diet
"When we discuss 'diet,' we are not talking necessarily about a weight loss plan, that's a side benefit to following this plan. We are actually discussing diet in the more traditional sense, meaning a way to eat," explains, Dr. D'Adamo. Type As flourish on a vegetarian diet - if you are accustomed to eating meat, you will lose weight and have more energy once you eliminate the toxic foods from your diet. Many people find it difficult to move away from the typical meat and potato fare to soy proteins, grains and vegetables. But it is particularly important for sensitive Type As to eat their foods in as natural a state as possible: pure, fresh and organic. "I can't emphasize enough how this critical dietary adjustment can be to the sensitive immune system of Type A. With this diet you can supercharge your immune system and potentially short circuit the development of life threatening diseases."
Handling Stress
In this busy, ever changing world, it's almost impossible to avoid every day stress. Type As have a naturally high level of the stress hormone cortisol and produce more in response to stressful situations. Cortisol is released in 24-hour patterns, typically in the early morning between six and eight A.M. with a gradual decrease during the day. It helps to cue the body's other cyclical rhythms. Due to the naturally elevated cortisol in type As, additional stress often manifests in several ways; disrupted sleep patterns, daytime brain fog, increased blood viscosity (thickening), and promotes muscle loss and fat gain. In extreme cases in Type As, stress can manifest in more serious ways, causing obsessive-compulsive disorder, insulin resistance and hypothyroidism. To help balance cortisol levels, Dr. D'Adamo recommends that you limit sugar, caffeine and alcohol. Don't skip meals, especially breakfast; eating smaller, more frequent meals will also help to stabilize blood sugar levels. He also points out that the following factors are known to increase cortisol levels and increase mental exhaustion for Type As - be aware and limit your exposure when possible:
- Crowds of people
- Loud noise
- Negative emotions
- Smoking
- Strong smells or perfumes
- Too much sugar and starch
- Overwork
- Violent TV and movies
- Lack of sleep
- Extreme weather conditions (hot or cold)
Calming Exercise - The Critical Component for Health and Well Being
Heightened cortisol levels make it harder for Type As to recover from stress. Research has demonstrated that overall cortisol levels can be lowered through a regular program of exercises that provide focus and calming effects. Make these activities a regular - and life saving - part of your lifestyle. Dr. D'Adamo recommends, Hatha Yoga, Tai Chi and Meditation and Deep Breathing Exercises. Meditation has been studied for its effects on stress hormones. It was found that after meditation, serum cortisol levels were significantly reduced. Writes Dr. D'Adamo, "While it's fine for Type As to participate in more intense physical activity when healthy and in good condition, be aware that these forms of exercise do not act as safety valves for stress in your blood type. I have seen Type As excel at weight lifting and aerobic activities, but you have to be careful about not over training, as that will actually raise cortisol levels."
The Personality Connection
Blood Type is a marker of individuality - and perhaps of personality as well. In Japan, it has long been believed that Blood Type is an indicator of personality - in fact, you are likely to be asked your blood type in a job interview or while out on a date with a potential mate! In a study conducted by Dr. D'Adamo in 1999, he found some interesting connections between blood type and personality. Type As most often described themselves in ways related to the following characteristics: sensitive to the needs of others, good listeners, detail oriented, analytical, creative and inventive.
Live Right!
In addition to exercise, stress management and eating the right foods, here are some key lifestyle strategies for Type A individuals.
- Cultivate creativity and expression in your life
- Establish a consistent daily schedule
- Go to bed no later than 11:00 PM and sleep for 8 hours or more. Don't linger in bed, as soon as you get up, get going!
- Take at least two breaks of 20 minutes each during the work day. Stretch, take a walk, do deep breathing exercises or meditate.
- Don't skip meals
- Eat more protein at the start of the day, less at the end
- Don't eat when you are anxious
- Eat smaller, more frequent meals. (3 meals & 2 snacks)
- Engage in 30 to45 minutes of calming exercise at least 3 times a week.
- Plan regular screening for heart disease and cancer prevention.
- Always chew food thoroughly to enhance digestion. Low stomach acid makes digestion more difficult.
WIP
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
The Goddess and Her Money
Family, Religion and Money are three things that should not be mixed yet these topics came sliding together Wednesday afternoon. My husband and I's goal this summer has been to get out of debt. We have ultimately given up quite a lot in order too do this. We have a roommate, we eloped and my husband volunteered for deployment. We set goals and are continuously working on managing our money to meet them. We are by no ways in the complete clear but we are one payment away from paying off the first of three credit cards. We can see the finish line and then there is a hurtle.
That hurtle being my sister, who has decided that being a missionary is her calling. She found a trip to Australia to go on. Being the big sister I'm initially supportive until I find out some more details about the goals of the trip. One being to convert the Muslim population who vacation in the Gold Coast area. I was very frank with my sister stating my views on co-existence (which she does not share) and appreciation of multiculturalism along with my core belief that, "there is only one [Universal Power] and [they are powerful] to all: therefore it is important that everyone is seen as equals before [Them]. I've always said we should help a Hindu become a better Hindu, a Muslim become a better Muslim, a Catholic become a better Catholic."--Mother Teresa
Besides the religious perspective the last thing I want is for my sister who has a very big heart for Christ to get involved in some Christian fundamentalist cult of conservatism and get hurt on the other side of the world trying to change a peoples' cultural religion. My husband and I agreed that although we didn't agree with this particular mission of this trip we could be supportive of my sister's efforts if that's what the Universal Power wanted for her. We each contributed in our own ways I brought her a $100 backpack to use primarily on the trip and Philip donated about $50, we were both satisfied with that.
Two weeks ago my sister's trip was topic of discussion again, her trip is scheduled for mid-July, as to whether we could afford to make another donation and again the discussion of supporting a mission not in line with our beliefs or values. We decided that at that time we couldn't afford giving a couple hundred dollars with our current budget.
Done deal, right? Wrong! This article is called 'The Goddess and Her Money' for a reason.
Five months ago I was listening to a podcast that really stuck a cord with me. I read about five to six personal finance blogs a day, but this was a podcast about Wicca, that my husband enjoyed and recommended to me. In it Ariel, the host, was going over giving issues over to the Goddess (one of the major aspects of the Universal Power) and doing Her will in the situation. The primary focus was money and how we can give everything else to Her and not the money ones. Then when we get into trouble with money we do all the spells and prays to rectify the situation, it works but then some time passes and we're back in the same situation. Ariel's thoughts were that if we just give it over to Her (conceptualize that any funds we get are to do Her will in the world) then worrying about bills getting paid is like worrying if corn is going to grow; They (all aspects of the Universal Power) will provide.
I had shared this idea with my sister and she concurred that Christians have a similar one, and we then discussed being good Stewards of a Higher Power's finances.
Being a good Steward is not always easy and I have to admit the concept was new too me at the time. I have learned so much about myself and in knowledge just by embracing this concept. It has become a comfort too me esp. in those trying moments of not falling into past behaviors.
In the midst of being in conversation with my husband about how great it feels to accomplish our goal of paying off the credit card. I had stated we should never use the card again. My husband in an effort to be reasonable said it would be good to have in an emergency. My counterpoint is that we should be saving for an emergency fund, by paying ourselves first etc, a credit card is not an emergency cash fund. Hurdle!
My sister calls all frantic and upset that she still needs her ticket for her trip and that the company who acts as her sponsor will only reimburse her, but she needs a credit card to book the flights.
Do we have a credit card? Sort of...
Could we buy her ticket and she'd give us the reimbursement? sort of...
I personally have learned a very hard lesson with credit cards...I'm not successful with them. The ones we have are Philip's.
And too keep the peace in so many ways (it being my sister) He left it up too the Universe to solve and me to handle the light work at the cost of his peace of mind.
I, on the other hand, putting my whole faith in the Universe aside for just a moment, am looking for the blind spot in all this. There had better be some incredibly lost souls in Australia because I don't get it (but who am I to presume to know what the Universe has in store for any of us). Maybe this is how God proves to my sister that I'm right in my core that we must co-exist, how else do you explain the Spiritualist and the Wiccan financing the Christian to share the words of the Christian God to others primarily of the Muslim faith?
But on the money tip, in the best case we smoothly still pay off this credit card by August; in the worst my marriage ends. I can't even fathom that but everyday we make choices and living with the decisions we make is the hardest part which is why I have chosen to put all of this in faith at Her Feet.
Goddess of All,
Divine Creator and Destroyer
I give you the vows of my marriage,
our wallets and our futures
to do Your will in the World
as good stewards and living examples
of the Universal Divine.
Blessed Be.
That hurtle being my sister, who has decided that being a missionary is her calling. She found a trip to Australia to go on. Being the big sister I'm initially supportive until I find out some more details about the goals of the trip. One being to convert the Muslim population who vacation in the Gold Coast area. I was very frank with my sister stating my views on co-existence (which she does not share) and appreciation of multiculturalism along with my core belief that, "there is only one [Universal Power] and [they are powerful] to all: therefore it is important that everyone is seen as equals before [Them]. I've always said we should help a Hindu become a better Hindu, a Muslim become a better Muslim, a Catholic become a better Catholic."--Mother Teresa
Besides the religious perspective the last thing I want is for my sister who has a very big heart for Christ to get involved in some Christian fundamentalist cult of conservatism and get hurt on the other side of the world trying to change a peoples' cultural religion. My husband and I agreed that although we didn't agree with this particular mission of this trip we could be supportive of my sister's efforts if that's what the Universal Power wanted for her. We each contributed in our own ways I brought her a $100 backpack to use primarily on the trip and Philip donated about $50, we were both satisfied with that.
Two weeks ago my sister's trip was topic of discussion again, her trip is scheduled for mid-July, as to whether we could afford to make another donation and again the discussion of supporting a mission not in line with our beliefs or values. We decided that at that time we couldn't afford giving a couple hundred dollars with our current budget.
Done deal, right? Wrong! This article is called 'The Goddess and Her Money' for a reason.
Five months ago I was listening to a podcast that really stuck a cord with me. I read about five to six personal finance blogs a day, but this was a podcast about Wicca, that my husband enjoyed and recommended to me. In it Ariel, the host, was going over giving issues over to the Goddess (one of the major aspects of the Universal Power) and doing Her will in the situation. The primary focus was money and how we can give everything else to Her and not the money ones. Then when we get into trouble with money we do all the spells and prays to rectify the situation, it works but then some time passes and we're back in the same situation. Ariel's thoughts were that if we just give it over to Her (conceptualize that any funds we get are to do Her will in the world) then worrying about bills getting paid is like worrying if corn is going to grow; They (all aspects of the Universal Power) will provide.
I had shared this idea with my sister and she concurred that Christians have a similar one, and we then discussed being good Stewards of a Higher Power's finances.
Being a good Steward is not always easy and I have to admit the concept was new too me at the time. I have learned so much about myself and in knowledge just by embracing this concept. It has become a comfort too me esp. in those trying moments of not falling into past behaviors.
In the midst of being in conversation with my husband about how great it feels to accomplish our goal of paying off the credit card. I had stated we should never use the card again. My husband in an effort to be reasonable said it would be good to have in an emergency. My counterpoint is that we should be saving for an emergency fund, by paying ourselves first etc, a credit card is not an emergency cash fund. Hurdle!
My sister calls all frantic and upset that she still needs her ticket for her trip and that the company who acts as her sponsor will only reimburse her, but she needs a credit card to book the flights.
Do we have a credit card? Sort of...
Could we buy her ticket and she'd give us the reimbursement? sort of...
I personally have learned a very hard lesson with credit cards...I'm not successful with them. The ones we have are Philip's.
And too keep the peace in so many ways (it being my sister) He left it up too the Universe to solve and me to handle the light work at the cost of his peace of mind.
I, on the other hand, putting my whole faith in the Universe aside for just a moment, am looking for the blind spot in all this. There had better be some incredibly lost souls in Australia because I don't get it (but who am I to presume to know what the Universe has in store for any of us). Maybe this is how God proves to my sister that I'm right in my core that we must co-exist, how else do you explain the Spiritualist and the Wiccan financing the Christian to share the words of the Christian God to others primarily of the Muslim faith?
But on the money tip, in the best case we smoothly still pay off this credit card by August; in the worst my marriage ends. I can't even fathom that but everyday we make choices and living with the decisions we make is the hardest part which is why I have chosen to put all of this in faith at Her Feet.
Goddess of All,
Divine Creator and Destroyer
I give you the vows of my marriage,
our wallets and our futures
to do Your will in the World
as good stewards and living examples
of the Universal Divine.
Blessed Be.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
To Wed or Not to Wed?
I know, I know you say "But You're already married!"
And the marriage started wonderfully! It was genuine, intensely sweet and heartfelt. Committing to my husband in a Midnight ceremony in a 126 year-old park of Atlanta, surrounded by our closest friends (not even family made it and I'll get to that later) and the elements is my fondest memories of our relationship, a dream come true. We then honeymooned in Gatlingsburg, TN. Total we spent maybe $600! Although we eloped we still got gifts from family and had two receptions (FedEx and The Lawson side).
I doubt that Philip gets this reaction but I have had many friends, co-workers, and family approach me with their expectations and opinions of how I went about getting married. I've gotten a spectrum from those who( for whatever reason) felt dejected that I didn't have a 'huge' wedding; some thought I wouldn't have handled planning one well; and then there are those who thought I would've never gotten married unless I was pregnant or dying.
Some of these observations have been correct while other completely unfounded.
I call it a "wedding" meaning A group celebration of our commitment that involves my family as well as Philip's along with close friends. I want a "wedding" and even thought I'm already married because there are pieces of me that feel it's needed. It's probably mostly tied into my family origins. My parents were married in a courthouse ceremony after dating for six months, 23 years later it ended in divorce. There are so many similarities between those events and mine currently that it's frightening. The apple is right under the tree on this one. Not to mention the fact that I was in two beautiful weddings a month apart right before my husband and I started dating seriously, one of them being my Mom's second marriage.
Now of course I realize that my marriage will be totally different from my parents and that's why I think this is an issue for me. I want to make it different in the minds of my family as well.
In dealing with these feelings I have been reading lots of articles online with two primary goals. One) to gather all kinds of different ideas to include in my main event
Two) to really see how the other side of this argument that my actual wedding was just fine because I did have everything We wanted and I needed to be satisfied with it.
The first day was the easy part. I found my old notebook, a spiral section full of my feelings and ideas at the time. The list that follows is a list of everything I had to have in my wedding ceremony to be exactly what I wanted. The next day I'll read all about how this is one of the main things that you need to do to save tons of money on your wedding. Ultimately I was just following Advice I had given myself to my best friend, Jessica, at the beginning of her wedding planning when her mother/wedding financier started to take over aggressively.
CEREMONY:
So today was for the second objective. I read many articles from some highly trusted personal finance blogs about the high cost of weddings. The reality is that the average wedding cost $28,000, that's my total student loan debt so there is no way that was coming out of our pockets. My mom had just had her $12,000 wedding and my dad was not in any mood to contribute. If this event was going to happen we are going to be paying for it ourselves. Most of the articles I read had all kinds of suggestions as to how to cut back on the actual cost of the wedding. Things like serving cupcakes instead of a full cake; having your friends provide everything from music to flowers to officiating and skipping all that stuff altogether and eloping.
But the most pervasive was "The $28,000 question: Why are we all hypocrites about weddings?" especially the comments by fellow readers. The article talks about how we as a society don't plan for the biggest expenses in our lives, things like college, weddings, houses, retirement but mainly weddings. It begged the question for me at least, "why did it bug me that I didn't have the huge 'storybook' wedding?
Mainly because that's not Reality!
I think in this case I did get caught up in the mystique of the wedding industry and the Cinderella syndrome (remember she didn't have money either but a fairy god-mother and she married an Actual Prince).
I still want a party but that's just because I like too. I have a very wonderful thing and when I found it (love) and the one who would and does that with me forever (Philip) he and I did not let it get bogged down with the details. As I told Lena right before I got to the ceremony site,
"I've stripped layers off this Type A 'perfectionist attitude' that I've had, who would've thought that I would trust my husband to setup our ceremony? After I loaded the car I let it go and gave him the directions and knew it would work, that is not usually Trina. I'm not even worried and it's okay!"
And the ceremony was, our marriage is and continues to be perfectly fine. More than anything I have been glad to let those restrictive layers go, marrying Philip has been one of the most liberating things I've ever done in my life. Within the whirlwind of our love there are no social expectations to fulfill only ours to ensure each others happiness.
Too this end I have told my husband that I'm glad we didn't spend tons of money. I look at that list and know that our wedding was everything WE wanted. I'm grateful I listened to him when he told me how he felt and that I for the most part don't let my hypocrisy get the best of me.
I will take Ramit's advice on one thing: saving for the future big expenses! It 's a great idea and a realistic one since we all know that life happens. An example would be that miraculously Philip saved his tax return and that took care of most our wedding costs. We got set back a little but not nearly as much if we had taken on a full-year planning production. Even too me after reading this article its not okay to not save money since we know we want to go back to school, travel, buy a house, kids are coming (not now but in the three-to-four-years future), retire and I don't ever want to make a decision during an emergency based on what we can't afford.
And the marriage started wonderfully! It was genuine, intensely sweet and heartfelt. Committing to my husband in a Midnight ceremony in a 126 year-old park of Atlanta, surrounded by our closest friends (not even family made it and I'll get to that later) and the elements is my fondest memories of our relationship, a dream come true. We then honeymooned in Gatlingsburg, TN. Total we spent maybe $600! Although we eloped we still got gifts from family and had two receptions (FedEx and The Lawson side).
I doubt that Philip gets this reaction but I have had many friends, co-workers, and family approach me with their expectations and opinions of how I went about getting married. I've gotten a spectrum from those who( for whatever reason) felt dejected that I didn't have a 'huge' wedding; some thought I wouldn't have handled planning one well; and then there are those who thought I would've never gotten married unless I was pregnant or dying.
Some of these observations have been correct while other completely unfounded.
I call it a "wedding" meaning A group celebration of our commitment that involves my family as well as Philip's along with close friends. I want a "wedding" and even thought I'm already married because there are pieces of me that feel it's needed. It's probably mostly tied into my family origins. My parents were married in a courthouse ceremony after dating for six months, 23 years later it ended in divorce. There are so many similarities between those events and mine currently that it's frightening. The apple is right under the tree on this one. Not to mention the fact that I was in two beautiful weddings a month apart right before my husband and I started dating seriously, one of them being my Mom's second marriage.
Now of course I realize that my marriage will be totally different from my parents and that's why I think this is an issue for me. I want to make it different in the minds of my family as well.
In dealing with these feelings I have been reading lots of articles online with two primary goals. One) to gather all kinds of different ideas to include in my main event
Two) to really see how the other side of this argument that my actual wedding was just fine because I did have everything We wanted and I needed to be satisfied with it.
The first day was the easy part. I found my old notebook, a spiral section full of my feelings and ideas at the time. The list that follows is a list of everything I had to have in my wedding ceremony to be exactly what I wanted. The next day I'll read all about how this is one of the main things that you need to do to save tons of money on your wedding. Ultimately I was just following Advice I had given myself to my best friend, Jessica, at the beginning of her wedding planning when her mother/wedding financier started to take over aggressively.
CEREMONY:
- Check to see if Robyn can officiate?
- Call the elements (earth,air, fire, water)
- Pass Rings thru guests
- Recite own vows/poem
- Exchange rings
- Tying of the hands
- Jumping the broom
- Cake cutting
- Tossing the bouquet/garter
- Photos (Ann, Lena's photographer)
- Signed pictures frame
- 15 mins couples' private time
- Reception lunch/dinner
So today was for the second objective. I read many articles from some highly trusted personal finance blogs about the high cost of weddings. The reality is that the average wedding cost $28,000, that's my total student loan debt so there is no way that was coming out of our pockets. My mom had just had her $12,000 wedding and my dad was not in any mood to contribute. If this event was going to happen we are going to be paying for it ourselves. Most of the articles I read had all kinds of suggestions as to how to cut back on the actual cost of the wedding. Things like serving cupcakes instead of a full cake; having your friends provide everything from music to flowers to officiating and skipping all that stuff altogether and eloping.
But the most pervasive was "The $28,000 question: Why are we all hypocrites about weddings?" especially the comments by fellow readers. The article talks about how we as a society don't plan for the biggest expenses in our lives, things like college, weddings, houses, retirement but mainly weddings. It begged the question for me at least, "why did it bug me that I didn't have the huge 'storybook' wedding?
Mainly because that's not Reality!
I think in this case I did get caught up in the mystique of the wedding industry and the Cinderella syndrome (remember she didn't have money either but a fairy god-mother and she married an Actual Prince).
I still want a party but that's just because I like too. I have a very wonderful thing and when I found it (love) and the one who would and does that with me forever (Philip) he and I did not let it get bogged down with the details. As I told Lena right before I got to the ceremony site,
"I've stripped layers off this Type A 'perfectionist attitude' that I've had, who would've thought that I would trust my husband to setup our ceremony? After I loaded the car I let it go and gave him the directions and knew it would work, that is not usually Trina. I'm not even worried and it's okay!"
And the ceremony was, our marriage is and continues to be perfectly fine. More than anything I have been glad to let those restrictive layers go, marrying Philip has been one of the most liberating things I've ever done in my life. Within the whirlwind of our love there are no social expectations to fulfill only ours to ensure each others happiness.
Too this end I have told my husband that I'm glad we didn't spend tons of money. I look at that list and know that our wedding was everything WE wanted. I'm grateful I listened to him when he told me how he felt and that I for the most part don't let my hypocrisy get the best of me.
I will take Ramit's advice on one thing: saving for the future big expenses! It 's a great idea and a realistic one since we all know that life happens. An example would be that miraculously Philip saved his tax return and that took care of most our wedding costs. We got set back a little but not nearly as much if we had taken on a full-year planning production. Even too me after reading this article its not okay to not save money since we know we want to go back to school, travel, buy a house, kids are coming (not now but in the three-to-four-years future), retire and I don't ever want to make a decision during an emergency based on what we can't afford.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Just an Ordinary Day......
Children are interesting creatures. I can say this because I babysit my godson, Render, once a week. On that day like today we go to Gymborree which is an early childhood learning center where you do instructed play with children based on their developmental level.
Which is all fine and good, but it's so competitive well not for the kids but for the parents. It all my Kid can do that or this or did it earlier than average and yours. Today, I was getting sucked in with begin questions like, "how old is he?". What's even scarier is the fact that I have conscious thoughts like "Philip will have trained our kids to get in and out of the car seat by 18 months..." or "naps won't be a problem because we'll have a regimented schedule...." or the scariest too me " I really need to find out what books/ experiments/behavior models Philip read to train Christopher...."
As an educator I should know better!
Besides random thoughts I had a pretty productive day. Got many bills paid; deleted useless software from my computer (yes lime wire is gone); finished part of my craft project; read the first chapter of Druidcraft [which has a pleasant ritual to begins one's journey with along with a home blessing that I would like to use once Philip and I get a new place]; lyra class; watched two movies [The Curse of the Yellow Flower & As You like It from the library]; wrote in this blog and my other.
On a Vegetarian Note:
I was very frustrated today when after my lyra class I was in need of nourishment and was stumped as to where to go for a quick bit. I ended up at Arby's which in my mind until recently was A healthy place to eat. I was grumpy feeling the drop of workout endorphins when I looked at the drive-thru menu and saw only one tiny picture that looked green enough to be a salad. I spent $8.00 on a salad (I got a dollar off for not having the meat) a drink and fries. I realized much too late that I would've gotten a better salad at Souper Salads for the same price.
My resolution is to keep a food journal which is my usual practice in the event I feel gluttonous after the winter holidays. I will have to keep veggie-friendly snacks and water with me until I am able to decide on decent "fast food" options. My hope is that spending time with John and Jekka will rub on me some good habits. And finally as not to beat myself up for falling off the horse I have allowed myself one meal in a full week in which I can eat meat, this is where the food dairy becomes handy.
My goal is to not ever use my four meat meal option but if I do I shall be encouraged by the period at which I didn't eat meat and continue with my lifestyle changes. By the time Philip returns I will have been veggie long enough that its a standing habit and will be cooking veggie meals regularly.
WIP
Which is all fine and good, but it's so competitive well not for the kids but for the parents. It all my Kid can do that or this or did it earlier than average and yours. Today, I was getting sucked in with begin questions like, "how old is he?". What's even scarier is the fact that I have conscious thoughts like "Philip will have trained our kids to get in and out of the car seat by 18 months..." or "naps won't be a problem because we'll have a regimented schedule...." or the scariest too me " I really need to find out what books/ experiments/behavior models Philip read to train Christopher...."
As an educator I should know better!
Besides random thoughts I had a pretty productive day. Got many bills paid; deleted useless software from my computer (yes lime wire is gone); finished part of my craft project; read the first chapter of Druidcraft [which has a pleasant ritual to begins one's journey with along with a home blessing that I would like to use once Philip and I get a new place]; lyra class; watched two movies [The Curse of the Yellow Flower & As You like It from the library]; wrote in this blog and my other.
On a Vegetarian Note:
I was very frustrated today when after my lyra class I was in need of nourishment and was stumped as to where to go for a quick bit. I ended up at Arby's which in my mind until recently was A healthy place to eat. I was grumpy feeling the drop of workout endorphins when I looked at the drive-thru menu and saw only one tiny picture that looked green enough to be a salad. I spent $8.00 on a salad (I got a dollar off for not having the meat) a drink and fries. I realized much too late that I would've gotten a better salad at Souper Salads for the same price.
My resolution is to keep a food journal which is my usual practice in the event I feel gluttonous after the winter holidays. I will have to keep veggie-friendly snacks and water with me until I am able to decide on decent "fast food" options. My hope is that spending time with John and Jekka will rub on me some good habits. And finally as not to beat myself up for falling off the horse I have allowed myself one meal in a full week in which I can eat meat, this is where the food dairy becomes handy.
My goal is to not ever use my four meat meal option but if I do I shall be encouraged by the period at which I didn't eat meat and continue with my lifestyle changes. By the time Philip returns I will have been veggie long enough that its a standing habit and will be cooking veggie meals regularly.
WIP
Saturday, June 13, 2009
In To The Woods...
As of late my husband and I have been learning Ogham as a form of divination used by Druids. It has been very interesting learning all the coordinating trees, symbols and meanings. My initial background is Wiccan which I have been for some years now. I practice solitary which is how I like it. I can create my own rituals and doctrine as I need or feel inspired too. Although I am very private about what I practice spiritually I am very comfortable sharing with others my beliefs.
Until Beltane I never really questioned where or how I stood in the Wiccan realm. Alone on a hill with a Tree was a perfectly nice spot.
For Beltane, Philip and I along with my friend Lena, joined a new Druid Order in ritual and celebration. We all had very different reactions to the forces about. For me it was one of the most physically evident rituals I have ever experienced. All previous ones were dreamscapes or the coming together of events and actions that is only possible by Her will denoted to me by intuition.
But something that night called to me. I was very nervous before was we drove to the sanctuary. I could feel myself pulling out of the consciousness that we occupy daily as we go through our routines. Lena was trying to hold a conversation with me about how the past few days had been very rough for her emotionally and romantically, I can admit that only a very small part of me cared I could not map out a spatial reality on which to connect with her issues. My main objective was to get the pie (for fellowship afterward) and get to the church on time.
We got there just in time!
Now I don't know if it was the way the ritual was set or my mindset or it could have been all things finally coming together in time and space but I felt my hands, one individually warm like when you hold them to the fire after coming in from the cold and the other cool as if my hand had just been wet, though it was dry the temperature was the same. At points through the ritual the heat and coolness spread up my arms and I was completely divided and balanced between the two.
Then my visualizations were also very intense and vivid. Rings and columns of red, blue and yellow covering and connecting those in the circle. And once I heard Lena reaction there was a distinct block, like she was not included, I remember everyone in the circle being covered and connected but there was also a feeling of a void to my left, where Lena had been.
She later related that she too had strong feelings of being pushed out and of destruction. It was as clear to her that she shouldn't be there as it was for me to be there. We went outside to the grove and did a ritual for Lena and ultimately I think that why she came with us that night because she recommitted herself to her practice. Being a solitary I can tell you that having a balancing counter part to work with can be so necessary at times. To many often we are left to our own devices as to how to express the God and Goddess and their various forms; the duplicity can be difficult to manage. She too commented on my hands.
I really don't know what the others felt, Philip felt something but didn't really share. I was wrapped in the magnitude of these hands of power and their meaning. Which brings us to the present and the flood of Druidry that lands at my feet. Spiritually the connection to Nature has always played an important role. I try very hard to live my beliefs daily and show them in my actions.
I feel that I have stood on this hill with this great Tree next to me for a long time; it has sheltered and protected me and I cared for it as well. And then I, full maiden, turn around and realize that there is a forest, beautiful and grand, that calls to me to explore it. Currently I am at the treeline playing along the shrubs and bushes as a little girl. The trees tower over me with wisdom, knowledge, and impressive strength. Fear and worry of losing my way and not being able to come back consume me. I hover....
This is a new journey for me. I have no idea what's in store, which is how She works.
Until Beltane I never really questioned where or how I stood in the Wiccan realm. Alone on a hill with a Tree was a perfectly nice spot.
For Beltane, Philip and I along with my friend Lena, joined a new Druid Order in ritual and celebration. We all had very different reactions to the forces about. For me it was one of the most physically evident rituals I have ever experienced. All previous ones were dreamscapes or the coming together of events and actions that is only possible by Her will denoted to me by intuition.
But something that night called to me. I was very nervous before was we drove to the sanctuary. I could feel myself pulling out of the consciousness that we occupy daily as we go through our routines. Lena was trying to hold a conversation with me about how the past few days had been very rough for her emotionally and romantically, I can admit that only a very small part of me cared I could not map out a spatial reality on which to connect with her issues. My main objective was to get the pie (for fellowship afterward) and get to the church on time.
We got there just in time!
Now I don't know if it was the way the ritual was set or my mindset or it could have been all things finally coming together in time and space but I felt my hands, one individually warm like when you hold them to the fire after coming in from the cold and the other cool as if my hand had just been wet, though it was dry the temperature was the same. At points through the ritual the heat and coolness spread up my arms and I was completely divided and balanced between the two.
Then my visualizations were also very intense and vivid. Rings and columns of red, blue and yellow covering and connecting those in the circle. And once I heard Lena reaction there was a distinct block, like she was not included, I remember everyone in the circle being covered and connected but there was also a feeling of a void to my left, where Lena had been.
She later related that she too had strong feelings of being pushed out and of destruction. It was as clear to her that she shouldn't be there as it was for me to be there. We went outside to the grove and did a ritual for Lena and ultimately I think that why she came with us that night because she recommitted herself to her practice. Being a solitary I can tell you that having a balancing counter part to work with can be so necessary at times. To many often we are left to our own devices as to how to express the God and Goddess and their various forms; the duplicity can be difficult to manage. She too commented on my hands.
I really don't know what the others felt, Philip felt something but didn't really share. I was wrapped in the magnitude of these hands of power and their meaning. Which brings us to the present and the flood of Druidry that lands at my feet. Spiritually the connection to Nature has always played an important role. I try very hard to live my beliefs daily and show them in my actions.
I feel that I have stood on this hill with this great Tree next to me for a long time; it has sheltered and protected me and I cared for it as well. And then I, full maiden, turn around and realize that there is a forest, beautiful and grand, that calls to me to explore it. Currently I am at the treeline playing along the shrubs and bushes as a little girl. The trees tower over me with wisdom, knowledge, and impressive strength. Fear and worry of losing my way and not being able to come back consume me. I hover....
This is a new journey for me. I have no idea what's in store, which is how She works.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Hidden Costs
While my husband is away I'm in charge of Finances. Which isn't hard - I just got to pay all the bills on time. They just happen to be staggered throughout the month. Too me this seems overly complicating- I much rather hand over a chuck of money at one time then to be constantly passing it around. But that's not how bill collecting works (Se la vie). In preparation of 'bill-pay Monday' I put on paper a profit/loss statement for our budget. Every month a fidget with the numbers to see if I can cut cost some where in our budget.
In a month $3290 goes through our bank account and $2349 of that goes to all the little companies ($359 of that are minimum payments to school loans and credit cards the other $1990 are bare necessities not including food and gas but more on that later) leaving us with a resounding $941 "profit".
WHAT!!!!!
There is no way I'm spend $941 outside our budget! Not to say we're broke but we have not carried that high a balance as of yet. So what's going on? Part of it does go to food and gas. IN the month of May for Gas alone I spent $113.63. Food is a whole other story. In May I didn't buy groceries, I ate dinner out instead of cooking, $488.10! Please understand that includes buying dinner for both my husband and I, my sister and his Aunt and cousin on various occasions.
That's still only $601.73 for food and gas, I am going to have to re-think that segment of our budget. $200 was our goal but we tripled that, I think $300 ($ 120 for gas and $180 for food, respectively) is more reasonable and should be plenty for just myself while the Hubbie is away.
Now, the other part are us buying personal hygiene products, gardening supplies, gifts, an oil change, and a dentist visit. So cutting back on all these things could potentially actually put $300 in our hands-- good to know. I haven't brought fast food since school got out and I brought enough groceries to last me the rest of this month. So this shouldn't be too difficult since most of this purchases were one time buys or only happen every couple of months like the gifts, a oil change and dentist visit.
I think I set my savings goals way too high. Initially I wanted to have all our bills paid and the credit cards paid off completely by August. So then we would only have to focus on making regular payments for our cars and my student loans, saving all that we had been putting toward the now paid off credit cards into a high interest saving account for a house down payment. Our income would increase since I would have my teaching certificate and by November we could move to a smaller place for just the two of us. I'm realizing that in order to keep everything paid and current (no late payments) I have just enough to work with if I'm willing to put all that potentially $900 toward one credit card at a time. That would make for a very uneventful summer and me going stir-crazy in boredom.
Philip did point out that I could be working to help supplement our income over the summer, but the idea of joining the retail rat race again is just unappealing to me personally. I did apply for some teaching positions for summer programs, but nothing really developed. I am looking into doing some craft projects that lets me be artistically expressive and turn a profit. I even found a site that lets you sell your wares over the Internet. The question: What exactly would be my ware?
The other thing is saving money while paying all the debt off. Both of us set money aside, but then something comes up like a larger bill than expected, a traffic ticket from 5 years ago or registration fees for test taking and it's gone. Now originally that not what we purposed the funds for but it was nice to have that extra bit to take care of it and then we're back to zero or close to it. Shouldn't we be putting everything we can toward the debt to be rid of it sooner? And why are we spending our savings if we're putting it away? We have yet to work out the concept of an emergency fund and what constitutes an emergency.
All of these options have their hidden costs of time, money, experience, self-restraint/willpower and positive results.
WIP
In a month $3290 goes through our bank account and $2349 of that goes to all the little companies ($359 of that are minimum payments to school loans and credit cards the other $1990 are bare necessities not including food and gas but more on that later) leaving us with a resounding $941 "profit".
WHAT!!!!!
There is no way I'm spend $941 outside our budget! Not to say we're broke but we have not carried that high a balance as of yet. So what's going on? Part of it does go to food and gas. IN the month of May for Gas alone I spent $113.63. Food is a whole other story. In May I didn't buy groceries, I ate dinner out instead of cooking, $488.10! Please understand that includes buying dinner for both my husband and I, my sister and his Aunt and cousin on various occasions.
That's still only $601.73 for food and gas, I am going to have to re-think that segment of our budget. $200 was our goal but we tripled that, I think $300 ($ 120 for gas and $180 for food, respectively) is more reasonable and should be plenty for just myself while the Hubbie is away.
Now, the other part are us buying personal hygiene products, gardening supplies, gifts, an oil change, and a dentist visit. So cutting back on all these things could potentially actually put $300 in our hands-- good to know. I haven't brought fast food since school got out and I brought enough groceries to last me the rest of this month. So this shouldn't be too difficult since most of this purchases were one time buys or only happen every couple of months like the gifts, a oil change and dentist visit.
I think I set my savings goals way too high. Initially I wanted to have all our bills paid and the credit cards paid off completely by August. So then we would only have to focus on making regular payments for our cars and my student loans, saving all that we had been putting toward the now paid off credit cards into a high interest saving account for a house down payment. Our income would increase since I would have my teaching certificate and by November we could move to a smaller place for just the two of us. I'm realizing that in order to keep everything paid and current (no late payments) I have just enough to work with if I'm willing to put all that potentially $900 toward one credit card at a time. That would make for a very uneventful summer and me going stir-crazy in boredom.
Philip did point out that I could be working to help supplement our income over the summer, but the idea of joining the retail rat race again is just unappealing to me personally. I did apply for some teaching positions for summer programs, but nothing really developed. I am looking into doing some craft projects that lets me be artistically expressive and turn a profit. I even found a site that lets you sell your wares over the Internet. The question: What exactly would be my ware?
The other thing is saving money while paying all the debt off. Both of us set money aside, but then something comes up like a larger bill than expected, a traffic ticket from 5 years ago or registration fees for test taking and it's gone. Now originally that not what we purposed the funds for but it was nice to have that extra bit to take care of it and then we're back to zero or close to it. Shouldn't we be putting everything we can toward the debt to be rid of it sooner? And why are we spending our savings if we're putting it away? We have yet to work out the concept of an emergency fund and what constitutes an emergency.
All of these options have their hidden costs of time, money, experience, self-restraint/willpower and positive results.
WIP
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Children?
"Are your Pregnant?" this is what my Mom asked me when I told her that my boyfriend of three months and I were discussing marriage. This at least to me seems to be the primary conclusion that people jump too when you do marry quickly. Most people don't voice such a conclusion but then she is my mother.
Being newly married this is the next question, "Are you going to have kids?"' wink, wink, nudge, nudge.' Besides being incredibly embarrassed that other random people such as my boss, colleagues and the lunch lady make statements on your sex life, to me it makes a statement of our social models and standards. Now that it is socially acceptable to have sex I should immediately be knocked up as well. 'First comes love, then comes marriage, 2 seconds later I have a baby carriage? WTF?
We did, my husband and I, discuss having children. It was mostly deciding on a time on which to pursue the subject further. We thought that 2013 would be a good year to start baby making if the world doesn't end. Hey, it worked for us with Obama.
It's the science of it that is daunting. On the male side there is this impression that sperm will always work forever. But on the female side there's a finite number of eggs and years compounded by risk. Yesterday, I got July's Marie Claire and it was full of articles about getting pregnant with titles like ' How to Have a Baby and Keep your Man'; '10 Things to Ask your Doctor About IVF' and 'The New High Tech Pregnancy.' Knowing that their stats are skewed and not exactly correct still does not help the quiver at the bottom of my stomach.
Then there's the birth control issue. I'm personally tired of myself going through the 'hormonal crazies' every month. These last couple ones without it have been a recurring "preggers" scare nightmare. Knowing myself, I'm too neurotic to play it cool. From past experience, I'm not one to suffer from the usual symptoms of pregnancy and I'm irregular. Anything slightly off when I finally do have my period sends a warning that it could be any other disorder or disease women in my family have suffered from besides a baby as well. I realized this morning that I have to stay healthy "baby ready" even if we don't have kids for the next ten years. I'm making an appointment with my doctor tomorrow!
I have friends that have newborns and toddlers and then some that are still dating and club-hopping. It's hard to know where to fit. My one friend who has the most similar situation to mine lives 60 miles away and goes to boot camp this summer. Logically, I should make new friends, but I really don't want too I have enough as it is. I can admit that I like children and I want them eventually even spontaneously when I'm ready. However that's the true question: When will I be ready? How will I know I am? Was I ready before and missed my chance?
My husband probably thinks that children will just come along when you have reach that level for such a spiritual challenge. But I work everyday with the results of unplanned pregnancy, the condom breaks, and when the risks win. I have issues about being caught unprepared. Ultimately I know this is one of those things I should entrust in the Goddess about. Yet I feel that just as she brought Philip and I together in a whirled wind she could very well do the same with our reproductive systems.
Work-in-progress
Being newly married this is the next question, "Are you going to have kids?"' wink, wink, nudge, nudge.' Besides being incredibly embarrassed that other random people such as my boss, colleagues and the lunch lady make statements on your sex life, to me it makes a statement of our social models and standards. Now that it is socially acceptable to have sex I should immediately be knocked up as well. 'First comes love, then comes marriage, 2 seconds later I have a baby carriage? WTF?
We did, my husband and I, discuss having children. It was mostly deciding on a time on which to pursue the subject further. We thought that 2013 would be a good year to start baby making if the world doesn't end. Hey, it worked for us with Obama.
It's the science of it that is daunting. On the male side there is this impression that sperm will always work forever. But on the female side there's a finite number of eggs and years compounded by risk. Yesterday, I got July's Marie Claire and it was full of articles about getting pregnant with titles like ' How to Have a Baby and Keep your Man'; '10 Things to Ask your Doctor About IVF' and 'The New High Tech Pregnancy.' Knowing that their stats are skewed and not exactly correct still does not help the quiver at the bottom of my stomach.
Then there's the birth control issue. I'm personally tired of myself going through the 'hormonal crazies' every month. These last couple ones without it have been a recurring "preggers" scare nightmare. Knowing myself, I'm too neurotic to play it cool. From past experience, I'm not one to suffer from the usual symptoms of pregnancy and I'm irregular. Anything slightly off when I finally do have my period sends a warning that it could be any other disorder or disease women in my family have suffered from besides a baby as well. I realized this morning that I have to stay healthy "baby ready" even if we don't have kids for the next ten years. I'm making an appointment with my doctor tomorrow!
I have friends that have newborns and toddlers and then some that are still dating and club-hopping. It's hard to know where to fit. My one friend who has the most similar situation to mine lives 60 miles away and goes to boot camp this summer. Logically, I should make new friends, but I really don't want too I have enough as it is. I can admit that I like children and I want them eventually even spontaneously when I'm ready. However that's the true question: When will I be ready? How will I know I am? Was I ready before and missed my chance?
My husband probably thinks that children will just come along when you have reach that level for such a spiritual challenge. But I work everyday with the results of unplanned pregnancy, the condom breaks, and when the risks win. I have issues about being caught unprepared. Ultimately I know this is one of those things I should entrust in the Goddess about. Yet I feel that just as she brought Philip and I together in a whirled wind she could very well do the same with our reproductive systems.
Work-in-progress
Sunday, June 7, 2009
A Blog of My Own
I think it was Virginia Woolf who said that a woman writer needs a room of her own to write successful, well in this new modern age it's a blog.
My life has been interesting of late. My new husband is deployed, I'm a teacher or at least working on my certification (a career choice I would have laughed at if you had told me 10 years ago) and I have absolutely nothing to do this summer. It is a big deal for me because this is the first summer since I was 11 that there wasn't something going on. My family because my Dad was in the military moved about every three years in the summer, then I was either working or taking classes for school (first undergrad then graduate school) or doing both. Last year this time I was working two jobs and taking classes. Yes I am a workaholic.
Hypothetically to make be feel less insecure in this time of my life my type A-side has put together a list of all the various things I need to accomplish over this free period.
Okay, now that the headache is gone i can list some more things that I thought of to do this summer.
My husband (who also has a blog) posted today that he found it very funny, interesting etc that 2 years ago he told "the powers that be" that "[He] wanted nothing more than to grow into my potential as a spiritual being." For him that included joining the Air Force's Air National Guard, getting married and then being sent to a remote location away from all things familiar where he can't drink and will abstinent for three months. Talk about getting what you wish for.
What maybe he doesn't exactly understand is that in my own way the Universe has turned my cards too. It might not have been two years ago but I remember a conversation with my best friend, Lena, about controlling my life and "giving it over to the Goddess." It was an upsetting moment in my life. I was not in the place I wanted to be. I had made plan after plan to do so many things and none of them had worked out. It was across the board in every aspect of my life, a consistent un-accomplishment after the other. A horrible but much needed break-up, a dream deterred after hours of time, money, sweat and tears, educational burn-out, career issues, not having a place to live and the emotional roller coaster of being left behind, weddings and failure. With all that going on I never thought that screaming to the Moon, "What do you want from me?" would have such an effect. I can say now that I let it all go and truly let Her will be done in my life.
My new motto was "if it was meant to be then it would happen, the Goddess will provide." I stopped trying to guess, predict, or demand my wants and desires of the Universe. I can lose that message every once in awhile but it comes back really quick if I make the wrong step.
But I digress... From that moment things changed drastically in my life. I was released from the things and people I thought were holding me, and I let go of those who needed me too much, so they could move forward. Within a month I had gain a friend, confidant and lover, Philip; found my true calling teaching Special Education in High School; and have learned to trust my trust in Her again. Now, both of our footprints are in the sand.
So, for the next three months I will be taking this time to find and learn about Natrina Lawson. I told my husband that marriage made me feel free that I could do anything. I feel that I can take all those good aspects that I never quite believed were in me or capable of pulling off are at my fingertips now. I will be abstinent, non-alcoholic, no-meat-eating and spiritually reflective as well.
I guess this just proves how connected Philip and I are. And this is not one of those "wife-does-what-the-husband-does-to-be-"closer"-to-him-type of things. I had an astrological reading on my 26th birthday before I even really considered Philip as a genuine friend (we had communicated twice via OKCupid there was only an online persona to go by) that said this summer would be one of great reflection. Boy, you tellin' me!
My life has been interesting of late. My new husband is deployed, I'm a teacher or at least working on my certification (a career choice I would have laughed at if you had told me 10 years ago) and I have absolutely nothing to do this summer. It is a big deal for me because this is the first summer since I was 11 that there wasn't something going on. My family because my Dad was in the military moved about every three years in the summer, then I was either working or taking classes for school (first undergrad then graduate school) or doing both. Last year this time I was working two jobs and taking classes. Yes I am a workaholic.
Hypothetically to make be feel less insecure in this time of my life my type A-side has put together a list of all the various things I need to accomplish over this free period.
- Plan a wedding (nuptial renewal event)
- Buy a house/ or find a new apartment with a washer and dryer
- visit friends and family all over the country
- take a much needed trip for relaxation
- study and pass the GACE (pedagogy)
- payoff all Philip's and my bills
- get matching wooden wedding bands
- Learning more about druidism, Wicca and Druidcraft
- expanding my spirituality
- start my stationary business
Okay, now that the headache is gone i can list some more things that I thought of to do this summer.
- lose 20 lbs.
- get on a better fitting birth control to our lifestyle
- catch on all my favorite TV shows and movies
- Save money
- Get ready for our Camping Retreat in October
- research my family history as far back as possible
- start writing fiction again/ publish a story
- work in my container garden
- go vegetarian (at least for the summer)
My husband (who also has a blog) posted today that he found it very funny, interesting etc that 2 years ago he told "the powers that be" that "[He] wanted nothing more than to grow into my potential as a spiritual being." For him that included joining the Air Force's Air National Guard, getting married and then being sent to a remote location away from all things familiar where he can't drink and will abstinent for three months. Talk about getting what you wish for.
What maybe he doesn't exactly understand is that in my own way the Universe has turned my cards too. It might not have been two years ago but I remember a conversation with my best friend, Lena, about controlling my life and "giving it over to the Goddess." It was an upsetting moment in my life. I was not in the place I wanted to be. I had made plan after plan to do so many things and none of them had worked out. It was across the board in every aspect of my life, a consistent un-accomplishment after the other. A horrible but much needed break-up, a dream deterred after hours of time, money, sweat and tears, educational burn-out, career issues, not having a place to live and the emotional roller coaster of being left behind, weddings and failure. With all that going on I never thought that screaming to the Moon, "What do you want from me?" would have such an effect. I can say now that I let it all go and truly let Her will be done in my life.
My new motto was "if it was meant to be then it would happen, the Goddess will provide." I stopped trying to guess, predict, or demand my wants and desires of the Universe. I can lose that message every once in awhile but it comes back really quick if I make the wrong step.
But I digress... From that moment things changed drastically in my life. I was released from the things and people I thought were holding me, and I let go of those who needed me too much, so they could move forward. Within a month I had gain a friend, confidant and lover, Philip; found my true calling teaching Special Education in High School; and have learned to trust my trust in Her again. Now, both of our footprints are in the sand.
So, for the next three months I will be taking this time to find and learn about Natrina Lawson. I told my husband that marriage made me feel free that I could do anything. I feel that I can take all those good aspects that I never quite believed were in me or capable of pulling off are at my fingertips now. I will be abstinent, non-alcoholic, no-meat-eating and spiritually reflective as well.
I guess this just proves how connected Philip and I are. And this is not one of those "wife-does-what-the-husband-does-to-be-"closer"-to-him-type of things. I had an astrological reading on my 26th birthday before I even really considered Philip as a genuine friend (we had communicated twice via OKCupid there was only an online persona to go by) that said this summer would be one of great reflection. Boy, you tellin' me!
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